


Filthy Hands, Filthy Rich

by flies



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Assassins & Hitmen, Assassin!AU, Bickering, Humor, M/M, Roommates, SasuNaru - Freeform, Sniper!Sasuke, are actually married couples in disguised, both are equally smart and oblivious, no promises
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-10
Updated: 2017-07-19
Packaged: 2018-07-22 17:43:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 24,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7448236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flies/pseuds/flies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sasuke and Naruto are both world-class assassins rooming in the same flat due to technical difficulties. Except neither really know the other is a pay-to-kill murderer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Two Peas in a Pod

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> July 7, 2016, 19:52
> 
> EDITED: July 14, 2017
> 
> Filthy Hands, Filthy Rich
> 
> Summary: Sasuke and Naruto are both world-class assassins rooming in the same flat due to technical difficulties. Except neither really know the other is a pay-to-kill murderer.
> 
> A/N: Not an update. I went back and edited the grammars and a few words and my incompetence. Thank you for understanding.

**This is an edit reposted on July 14, 2017**

  * •••••••••••••••



** Chapter 1 ** **: Two Peas in a Pod**

They started off as neighbors. Very bitter neighbors who had one interaction in their whole 3 years living there. The first impression was all the two needed to begin avoiding the others at all cost. Until the day of their nightmares came to life. Due to squirrels (yes, fucking squirrels) laying its five thousand relatives in one thin wall. Naruto hadn't given a flying crap about the mammal but the landlord was persistent, being an animal lover. All she did was send a notice, no agreement papers, no warnings, no permission. Just a notice. Naruto shouldn't be surprised when he dragged his ass home in the morning to find a sleeping man curled up on his couch. Naruto was too tired to question that and the huge hole on his wall.

"Excuse me," Naruto said, turning to his couch and feet cautiously poking the man lying on it. "This is my spot, _sir_ , get off."

No answer. No movement. No twitch.

Naruto looked up and stared straight at nothing in particular. There was a _dead_ man on his couch. How was he to rid of the evidence without being suspicious?

"Oh, Naruto! You're back!" A woman's voice called from behind him. His landlord. Once again entering without an invitation. Naruto's mood dropped tenfold.

"There's a hole on my wall," Naruto grumbled, turning to meet the older woman. Calling it a 'hole' was an understatement. It looked like an abyss, a void, a canyon.

"Great, right? We got most of the squirrels out," Tsunade smiled, patting the broken wall like it was a masterpiece she's proud of. Until it rumbled and a pile of cement fell off, causing them both to take a collective step back. Luckily it landed on his neighbor's apartment.

"That didn’t explain this corpse on my sofa," Naruto pointed to the man lying peacefully like nothing happened. His head was a mess of raven locks and perfectly sculpted features.

"Oh, that's Sasuke, all the squirrels ran to his apartment and the debris fell over there too, so he's just taking a temporary nap here, don't mind him," Tsunade explained, a smile on her face as she patted Naruto on the back. He can't help his expression from growing grim with every passing second.

"Don't mind him? What do you mean _don't mind him_? He's on my couch, you got debris all over my thinking chair," Naruto yelled, pointing to the armchair by the wall covered in white dust, "and why the hell are there squirrels in the middle of the city, 60 stories up?!?!?"

Naruto panted, breathless from his job and now this.

"Naruto, calm down, we're working to get answers," Tsunade said, her voice so bored, she might as well be asleep. Naruto felt his last string of patience snapped.

  * ••••••••••



Sasuke liked his life in order, with as little to no change in the currents as possible. A schedule repeating every day over and over was all he wished for. So the Uchiha knew something was immediately off when he woke up to a pair of numb legs and a foot in his face. He smacked it away only for it to bounce off the cushions and hitting him square on the cheeks. Sasuke scowled, grabbing it by the ankle as he struggled to sit up. A foreign weight was on top of him, not budging one bit as Sasuke tried to retrieve his legs. He glared to the other end of the couch. Why wasn't he surprised to find an annoying blond neighbor sleeping with his head rested on the arm of the sofa? His neighbor didn't seem to be bothered by the fact that he was laying on a total stranger.

In one swift motion, Sasuke managed to slip his legs from underneath the man's weight and freed himself from the tangle. Realizing he was still holding onto the man's ankle, Sasuke threw the feet back onto the couch, looking mildly disgusted. He glanced at the wide, open windows, watching as the sun rises over the horizon.

_5 A.M._

He looked at his watch. _5:43 A.M.,_ to be exact. He was forty-three minutes off from his schedule, what a great way to start the day. Sasuke took his time to stared briefly at the hole on the wall before walking through it to enter his own apartment. He noticed his brooding chair coated in white dust and scowled under his breath. What irks him, even more, was his orange neighbor having the same chair, only different in color, sitting in the exact same spot, mirroring Sasuke's. Feeling annoyed, he kicked his own chair and successfully turning it fifteen degrees to the right.

Satisfied with himself, Sasuke went for a shower in his _own_ bathroom.

  * •••••••



Three years, and by now, he was used to hearing his neighbor showering and getting ready for work, preparing his suitcase and grabbing a tomato for breakfast. A distant background noise for Naruto's dreams. It was during these times that Naruto allowed his guard to be dropped, knowing his neighbor was always there to die first if a thief ever infiltrates. So when the other man finally left for work at 9 A.M., Naruto cracked his eyes open.  The bright sunlight floating around the apartment made the place looked serene. Naruto briefly wondered why he hadn't slept in his bed last night instead.

He got up and prepared two cups of instant noodles. Reheating the water already in the pot, Naruto entered his bedroom to retrieve his work backpack.

Naruto's job ensured he works by night and sleep by day. To everyone's eyes, he was a part-time janitor and bouncer at the local night bar. It sounded almost as bad as his _real_ job. The blonde plopped onto the couch, already slurping down his noodles as he changed the television channels. Finally landing a news channel focused on solving murders, Naruto leaned back. He pulled out his babies from the backpack and began polishing every single one to its finest state. He preferred his guns and blades pristine new, the feel when he uses it is always heavenly. Naruto avoids using guns unless it was an emergency, he was a knife type of man all the way. And in the dead of night, gunshots aren't ideal unless he wanted to attract attention.

Pausing, he quickly wondered what his raven neighbor worked as? A regular salary man? He wore a tie and a suit with a suitcase to work. He seemed uptight enough for Naruto to assumed it's some old boring job. No matter, the man should be back at five, maybe then will they have a _proper_ introduction.

  * •••••••••••



Sasuke's partner was crap. People in his organization was crap in general. This was the third time this year Sasuke, a fucking _sniper_ , had to fight hand to hand with a rat who sneaked passed the front lines. It showed how incompetent his teammates are, considering Sasuke had to do _all_ the work. Thanks to that, there was now a tiny speck of blood on his white dress shirt which is very much noticeable.

"Sasuke, no normal, average human could see a red dot that small," his older brother said as he watched Sasuke packed his guns. Itachi was one top commander in their organization, and he abused his position by spending every waking second stalking Sasuke.

"You don't know that Itachi," Sasuke scowled, turning away to finish his work as far as possible.

"I have one of the sharpest eyes in the world, baby brother," Itachi sighed, Sasuke was too old to be sulking over a bad partner.

_5:00 PM_

"I'm _leaving_ first," Sasuke said abruptly, standing up with the suitcase and immediately left for the exit. Not sparing anyone else another glance as he made his way to the car.

  * •••••••••••



Naruto was awoken from his sleep by the sound of the door bell ringing. He opened his eyes, sitting up with a kitchen knife in hand. The bell was rung from his neighbor's apartment, Naruto could hear it through the huge hole from where he sat. No way in hell is Naruto stepping a foot on _that_ apartment's floor again, nothing is ever going to convince him. Naruto went to open his own door instead, he looked over and was surprised to find his neighbor standing there.

"Hey, over here," Naruto called out, effectively catching the raven's attention.

"This is rare, you never forget your keys," Naruto smirked when his neighbor made his way over.

"Yesterday was a turmoil, I have an excuse," the man said, pushing past Naruto only to immediately stopped halfway. Right, he was still holding the kitchen knife.

"Last I heard, you don't seem to like cooking," the raven said, eyeing the knife cautiously like it was an atomic bomb ready to explode at the wrong wording.

"Your bedroom is infested with crazy squirrels," Naruto said, ushering for his neighbor to enter so he can close the front door.

"Why were you in my bedroom?" The man asked, turning back to Naruto with an odd expression.

"When they broke down the wall, they destroyed my water pipes," Naruto shrugged, whistling his way out of the subject.

"You trespassed," the other man said, crossing his arm like a grumpy old man.

"Technically, no, because the wall is almost nonexistent and that makes this one big, _conjoined_ apartment," Naruto retorted, jumping back onto his couch with no remorse whatsoever.

"And when are they going to fix your pipes??" The man asked, looking a bit terrified.

Naruto shrugged. "When they get to fixing the wall, I supposed."

An annoyed grumbled.

"At least tell me you didn't touch my shampoo," his neighbor sighed.

"I didn't," Naruto said, staring up with shiny blue eyes. "I just brought all my soaps and a toothbrush and shampoos and a towel over."

The man was silent, face blank and eyes bored as he stared back.

"Sure, move into my apartment," the raven said, walking toward the hole to enter his own apartment, " _no_ problem there."

"Oh really?" Naruto chirped, getting up from his spot to follow his neighbor. "Because without running water in the kitchen, I don't think I can cook ramen--"

The man swirled around, meeting Naruto eye to eye with a glare so deadly it could kill.

"It was sarcastic," he said darkly, voice low as he pushed Naruto back with a single hand. "And heat up water bottles if you want your damn ramen."

Naruto stood in shock as he watched his neighbor walked away and slamming the bedroom door after himself. Naruto felt dumb. Why hadn't he thought of that? Heating bottled water instead?

  * ••••••••••••



The moment the door closes, Sasuke scrambled to his bed. Hysterically checking his guns' compartment to see if anything was discovered.

He let a relieved sigh escaped when nothing seemed out of place. Even his profession wouldn't be able to justify the number of guns he owned.

Sasuke froze, looking up to find himself staring at a little critter. It cocked its head to the side, tail curled behind its back as it stood on the bed.

A squirrel. A harmless little squirrel. Sasuke contemplated whether he should grab it or do so _after_ he showers. He glanced around the room, feeling more squirrels' presences in the room, watching his every movement. Sasuke stood up, hands in the air as he slowly backed into his walk-in closet. For unknown reasons, Sasuke was feeling threatened, in his _OWN_ home. He grabbed a pair of boxers and a plain shirt and shorts before bolting for his bathroom. He didn't dare to look back as he fastened the five locks on the door.

  * •••••••••••



Naruto only heard a brief shriek before turning to see his neighbor running, clutched in his arms, a suitcase. In all the years he knew the man, he had never seen him so frightened for his life.

"I told you so!" Naruto said, jumping on his couch to get out of the squirrels' reach as he pulled out the knife earlier, along with a handgun.

His neighbor, surprisingly, had good agility because he ran straight through the wall and hopped onto Naruto's kitchen counter without a second wasted. In even less time, pulling out a gun of his own.

They both froze where they are, gun aimed at the huge hole and more than ready to shoot anything moving on the other side. There was no sound in both apartments aside for the air condition running. As if both men were so concentrated, neither needed to breathe.

Naruto was the first to retreat his gun and quickly shoving it back into his pocket. Putting the knife on the table and turning around only to find his neighbor already finished packing and jumping off the counter top.

"A 9mm sub compact pistol," Naruto snickered, falling back on the couch.

"And a 380 automatic colt pistol is so much better," the man said sarcastically, locking his suitcase with a silent click before sliding it to the end of the marble counter.

"Naruto." The blond introduced himself, eyes not anywhere but the television screen.

"Sasuke." The raven replied, walking over to Naruto's bookshelf, not caring that he blocked half of the TV screen.

The man paused, hovering over the shelf and eyes searching for something Naruto wouldn't know.

"Uchiyama Sasuke," his neighbor said out of nowhere while leaning down to open a cabinet on the bottom shelf.

"Uzakichi Naruto," he replied and watched as Sasuke pulled out the first aid kit like he owned the apartment.

"I'm guessing you're going to be sleeping over for a while," Naruto sighed, looking at the ceiling in distressed. "When are you going to go back?"

" _'When they get to fixing the wall, I supposed'_ ," Sasuke repeated what the blond said earlier, _mockingly_ even.

"Whatever, I'm not going to be home anyway," Naruto scoffed, turning his focus back to the TV. "And don't go sniffing in my bedroom, that's where I keep my cash."

"As if I need to, I can buy out this whole building complex if I wanted," Sasuke retorted, cleaning the squirrels' bites on his arm.

"So, can I," Naruto said, sticking out a tongue when he thought the other man wasn't looking. The information seemed to surprise Sasuke because he looked up abruptly.

"There's no way _you_ can. I thought you work as some sort of prostitute," the man assumed, which in Naruto's opinion, was very _rude_.

"I'm a janitor, the pay is quite high," Naruto shrugged, silently laughing at the man's pause. When it seemed like he wasn't going to reply, the blond continued instead.

"What about you? Not gonna give me a business card or anything?"

"We don't give it to _just_ anyone and you janitors don't _just_ offer anyone a cleaning session," Sasuke said, putting a Band-Aid on every bite. A total in four, Naruto noticed. He looked down at his own bites, three on the leg and two on the arm. Sasuke must have run faster whilst Naruto was attacked off guard. The couch bounced a bit as Sasuke came to sit on the end opposite of Naruto. His eyes glued on his phone. They sat for a while, not minding the other's silence presence. Until something irked Naruto.

"Sasuke."

The raven didn't budge at the call of his name.

"Have you eaten dinner?" He asked, not looking at the raven as he talked.

Sasuke looked up from his reading to give Naruto a quick side glance before looking down again.

"No."

"I'll order pizza then," Naruto announced, grabbing his phone from the coffee table and dialing the pizza place.

"Let me guess," Sasuke said after Naruto hung up the phone.

"Yes, you are paying," Naruto finished the sentence for him. He reached over to replace his phone with the remote instead. Flipping through the channels only to turn on Netflix at the end of his search.

"Sasuke."

"What?"

"My Netflix account is overdue, put yours in," Naruto complained, throwing the TV remote toward Sasuke's direction. The raven barely managed to dodge the flying object and miraculously caught it. He sent glared at Naruto but the blond didn't seem to notice.

Moments later, Naruto was skimming through the mystery genre with a bored face. Nothing.

"Sasuke."

"What?!?" The man snapped, flipping his phone over and turned to give Naruto the _'undivided'_ attention he wanted.

"Ever watched Sherlock Holmes? Was the book even good?" Naruto asked, leaning on the arm of the sofa lazily.

Sasuke stared at him with a blank expression before turning back to his phone. Frustration controlled.

"No movie is better than the book."

"You're right," Naruto said, clicking on the show anyway. "But I've never read the book, so it doesn't apply to me."

Sasuke was a strand of hair away from going mad and shooting down the whole building.

The doorbell rang just as the part where Sherlock and Watson chased down the taxi.

Both Sasuke and Naruto turned a deaf ear toward the door.

"It'd be cute if they went out," Naruto said, eyes staring straight at the screen as the sun behind them sets over the city. Taking the light with it as they sat in silent darkness.

The bell rang again.

"Sasuke."

No answer.

"Pizza man is here," Naruto said, bring his feet up to nudge the raven in the leg.

No reaction.

The blond kicked harder, only to receive something hard and sharp thrown at him. The object hit Naruto dead on the forehead and landed perfectly into his waiting hands.

"You're seriously too lazy to get off and pay for it?" Naruto asked, gripping Sasuke's credit card tightly as he sat up.

"17323," the raven said, ignoring the question as he continued watching his phone's screen.

Naruto stared at the man, unable believe any of it.

"Sasuke, what the fuck, did you just give me your bank pin code--"

"One more 'Sasuke' coming out of your mouth and I'm going to end a life," _preferably yours_ , Sasuke scowled, glaring up to emphasize his threat before turning back to reading.

"Ooh, I like that look," Naruto grinned, tapping the raven lightly on the cheek before skipping happily toward the front door.

Sasuke was ready to kill. Anything blond. Anything disgustingly orange. Anything happy. Isn't it about time Naruto went to work already? Are janitors supposed to be this happy and carefree?

"I put every topping on half of the pizza and plain on the other side because I didn't know what you like," Naruto said, placing the pizza on the table as he settled down on the sofa.

Sasuke grimaced at the sight of pineapples and mushrooms on the same pizza but managed to stop himself from gagging.

Naruto ended up eating half of the pizza while Sasuke took care of the plain side.

"Agh!! Of course, he's behind everything!! Why am I so dumb!!" Naruto grumbled about the show, grabbing his hair in exasperation.

"Isn't it time for you to go to work," Sasuke stated, returning to reading his whatever book.

"I clean for people, Sasuke, I don't have a fixed time for work," Naruto lied, sipping on his coke as he watched the last few minutes of the episode.

"Hn."

Naruto ended up leaving the apartment at 21:00, heaving along a huge backpack that had Sasuke wondering what he carried in there.

"Cleaners!" Naruto answered abruptly as if nervous. "I... uh...needed a lot of cleaning stuff."

Sasuke gave him a raised eyebrow and watched as his neighbor slipped out of the front doors. It was a huge backpack. Odd to imagine the man as a cleaner considering his apartment was a dumpster itself. For what it seems, Naruto was the one that needs a cleaning session.

  * •••••••••••••



Naruto knew the work his work was dangerous. He was killing under orders and no matter how the wording changes, he was a murderer. It was pretty illegal and bound to come back to bite him in the ass sometime in the future. Despite fighting on the front line, Naruto rarely gets hurt, ever. But for once, he agreed bringing a knife to a gun fight was a bad idea. What would Sasuke say when he sees him limping home like this?

A stray bullet flew by, grazing the scars on Naruto's cheeks. He rolled out of the way and shoved his blades back into its slots. Now Naruto's pissed. Shit gets real if one sees the blond pulling out a gun in both hands.

  * ••••••••••••••••



Sasuke jerked awake when the vibration of an unfamiliar footstep came walking down the hallway outside the apartment. He silently waltzed over to put his ears against the door. It sounded too sluggish to be Naruto. Too heavy and wavering. Absolutely no confidence, but rather desperation. The steps came closer and Sasuke immediately backed off. As quiet as he could, he grabbed his suitcase and fled to his side of the apartment. Hiding behind his own couch and prayed the squirrels sleep at the same time humans do. In seconds, Sasuke finished setting out his sniping rifle, just barely visible behind his sofa. He crouched there, silently waiting for any suspicious approaching sound. Someone slumped heavily on the door while jiggling the doorknob.

Sasuke aimed.

The door flew opened and the raven resisted the instinct to pull the trigger.

It was just Naruto, walking in looking really unsteady and slumping against the kitchen counter. His head was down as he breathed heavily and Sasuke suspected he was drunk. Which took a turn for the better because he hadn't wanted the blond to ask about the rifle. Explaining the handgun would've been easy but a business man owning a thirty-four-grand sniping rifle can't be passed off as a hobby. Just as Sasuke was reopening his suitcase, another unfamiliar figure entered after Naruto.

Sasuke paused, hand on his rifle as he watched the stranger. He didn't seem to have a weapon, could be an acquaintance. Being Naruto's neighbor, Sasuke knew the man had a lot (and by a lot, Sasuke meant a lot) of friends and acquaintances visiting often. The raven shot an eye toward the light up on the wall.

_5:23 AM_

Naruto came home later than usual. The man could be a friend helping drunk Naruto home. Unlikely. However, efficient to keep his options open.

Sasuke placed the hand on his gun, knowing he couldn't be seen in the darkness of the night as long as he didn't move too much. The raven aimed his rifle at the stranger, hands ready to pull the trigger with the purpose of killing.

The stranger reached for Naruto’s shoulder, pulling him up from his slumped position.

Sasuke watched intently from where he hid, every movement absorbed by his midnight eyes.

In a split second, the man had his arms curled around Naruto's neck, lifting him up and Sasuke kept still.

Naruto's eyes flew opened, blue orbs wide and crazy as it clawed at the arm strangling him. Sasuke recognized it, Naruto wasn't drunk, he was drugged. The blond gagged, helplessly kicking and grabbing for air.

"Sasuke--" he blurted, not getting to finish his words before a shot fired silently. Naruto was right next to it yet all he heard was a grunt before he was released. The assaulter behind him fell backward, not a single drop of blood. Naruto collapsed, frozen where he was, gasping and hands on his neck. He was not quite comprehending the situation well with his mind drugged, only caring about catching some air. He did come to a conclusion, however, since no glass shattered, whoever _pulled_ the trigger was _in_ this apartment. And most likely, Naruto was the next victim.

The blond did his best to roll behind his couch, not trusting the kitchen counter to protect him.

"Who's there!!" Naruto slurred, screaming loudly enough to wake the everyone in the building beneath.

"Shut up, it's me, you fucking moron," Sasuke scowled, smacking Naruto on the back to shut him up before running over to close the front door.

"Sasukeee," Naruto sang, hands waving lazily as the drugs kicked back in.

Sasuke turned at the mentioned of his name. Naruto looked like a drunkard waving the waiter for another beer.

Sasuke responded to the call, walking over and bending down. The first thing he noticed was Naruto's bleeding leg, it seemed controlled so he assumed it was a wound reopened.

"Come here," Sasuke grunted, slipping his arms under Naruto's form and lifting him up. It felt like he was carrying two huge barrels of useless sand. Good thing the couch was right there or else...

Naruto reached up to pat Sasuke on the chest proudly.

"You killed him~," Naruto nodded as he pointed to the limp body on the floor. "I didn't even notice until his pulse stopppsss.... you’re freaking...... awesom......"

Sasuke watched with a blank expression as Naruto fell asleep in his arms. Chest rising and falling as slowly as the moon and sun changing.

  * ••••••••••



When Naruto opened his eyes again, it was already morning, the sun blazing brightly into his apartment. He yawned, snuggling back into the couch, intending to sleep in more. It didn't hit him until minutes later, causing him to snap awake. He was looking around wildly, no dead bodies and no killer Sasuke in sight. Naruto scrambled to his doorway, searching frantically for any blood splatter. None, not on the walls, not on the door, not on any visible surface that he knew of. The blond slumped on the floor, confused more than anything. Had it been all a dream? More like a nightmare, Naruto remembered clearly how close the shot came to hit him. Instead, it went through the other man's chest, an instant kill without a sight of blood. Naruto shuddered, hoping that was all dreamt up.

Yesterday mission was a disaster to say, out of his team of five, only three returned _alive_. They came back to the main quarters looking defeated and wounded. Naruto got shot in the leg and thought nothing of it. The poison didn't kick in until later when he was riding the elevators up to his apartment. Which was why he hadn't noticed the man tailing him. What would've been his fate had Sasuke not interfered? Naruto looked down at his leg, new bandages that he hadn't remembered changing into. Sasuke wasn't any ordinary business man, was he?

Naruto sat rigidly as he waited for the raven to come back. With a gun in hand, he switched on the TV to watch the last few episodes of season one.

The third episode was watched half way. Naruto narrowed his eyes.

Sasuke watched the show without him. The bastard said he wasn't interested, something about _'no movie is better than book'_ crap.

They were going to need some sort of Netflix commitment rings for this relationship to work or else things won't end well. He was ready to have a _long_ discussion when Sasuke gets back, but more than anything, he was ready to face the pack of squirrels that could surprise attack him any minute. Naruto might have an injured leg and probably crap aim but he can kill with his eyes closed.

  * •••••••••••••



"It's scary how you're obviously looking at the clouds and still managed to keep a deadly accuracy," Shikamaru said, hoisting from his spot and started packing his rifle. He was also a sniper, this mission required two and he was forced to tag along. Sasuke was glad, Nara Shikamaru was someone he could at least have a little trust in.

"What could possibly get an Uchiha utterly distracted I wonder," Shikamaru noted, raising an eyebrow but not looking at Sasuke's way. After a while, it seemed as if the raven was too busy looking at the clouds to answer.

"My bedroom is infested with squirrels and I've been living in an apartment with a moron whose sanitary condition is worse than that of a sewer rat, good enough for you?" Sasuke scowled, stuffing his rifle angrily into the suitcase.

Shikamaru nodded in understanding.

"Relationships problems I see, such complicated and stressful things," Shikamaru added, locking his own suitcase shut. "Most of us assassins avoid lovers, it always put them at risk of your potential enemies."

Sasuke sent him a confused and judgmental expression. Shikamaru tended to reply with something completely unrelated to the original topic.

"Unless you dated someone equally dangerous, of course," Shikamaru continued, totally shrugging off the face Sasuke made. "It'll just make you deadlier than you already are and we definitely don't want that."

Sasuke crouched on his spot, looking at his blabbering teammate with a bored expression.

"But then again, there's Itachi to worry about, he seemed like an overprotective older brother," Shikamaru said thoughtfully, glancing up at the sky as if he was honestly considering Sasuke's personal life and future. "He'll probably bark at any cat who comes into contact with you."

Sasuke stood up with his suitcase and signaled a hand to stop his teammate from continuing.

"Shikamaru, you're making my situation more complicated than it really is," Sasuke said and paused for a second before adding, "and you're not a psychologist nor a fortune teller, do shut up, for my sake."

Thankfully Shikamaru stopped after that and Sasuke never appreciated a human being more than now.

The sun was slightly setting over the horizon. Reflecting light off skyscrapers and glass made the city glitter. An indication that it was time to head home.

04:57 PM

Just as the team entered the main building's lobby, Sasuke's phone buzzed. It caught everyone by surprise. Not because it was the company's policy to have their phone on silent due to possible dangers while on a mission. A simple ringtone could give off a gunner's position and that never ends well.

Sasuke's _private_ number was getting a call. They swore Itachi was the only one on his contact list since... forever. Except it wasn't Itachi calling because the man was standing less than three feet away, also shocked out of his skin. Shikamaru raised a knowing eyebrow, pausing like everyone else to catch an ear of Sasuke's caller.

Sasuke was cautious, holding his phone as far away as possible as he looked at the number.

 _Unknown_.

Sasuke wouldn't answer an unknown number even if someone slaps him in the face with a million dollars. However, it was his private phone. Secured and no one suspicious nor an advertisement would be able to get their hands on it. He pressed 'answer', keeping his distance.

"Hello?" Sasuke asked. He hadn't wanted it anywhere near his ear.

"Sasuke? Is this you? Are you holding the phone far away, you coward?" Came an annoyingly familiar voice from the other line.

Sasuke narrowed his eyes.

Naruto.

He turned down the volume and pressed the phone against his ears so only he could hear. If everyone were to get a whiff of this, Sasuke might as well move to a different country and live for the rest of his life in utter humiliation. He waved his hands toward the bystanders, gesturing for them to leave. When some remained, he resorted to threats.

"How'd you get your garbage hands on my number?" Sasuke scowled in a hushed voice, very aware that Itachi was still watching from the distance. The only man Sasuke couldn't get rid of even if he pressed a gun to his heart.

"I have my ways Sasuke, don't test me," Naruto answered, voice static over the phone.

"Alright, Naruto. You're ruining my reputation, what do you want? Calling me at these hours, aren't you supposed to sleep?" Sasuke hissed, giving Itachi a side glance.

"Sasuke, it's four in the afternoon, only an _idiot_ would be asleep at this time," Naruto retorted, sounding annoying and loud even though he was miles away.

"That proved my point exactly," Sasuke muttered.

"WHAT WAS THAT? SPEAK LOUDER, BABY, I CAN'T HEAR," Naruto nearly screamed into the phone. Be it on speaker or lowest volume, anyone in the lobby must have heard it. Sasuke wanted to crawl in a corner and cry, his life was ruined. His reputation he built in the past three years, destroyed by a loud mouth.

"Naruto, fucking spare me and get on with it," Sasuke murmured, done with life and everything related to it.

"I just wanted to let you know I ordered Thai food, so don't go bringing back McDonald's or some shit alright?" Naruto said a bit too happily over the phone, making Sasuke questioned himself. No man should be this happy unles--

"You used my card again didn't you?" Sasuke scowled into the phone, as quiet and deadly as he could. How could he forget to take his credit card back from the idiot? Now his bank account was endangered. There was silence and Sasuke assumed the phone line was cut, but Naruto proved him wrong yet again.

"This serves as a warning _Uchiyama_ ," the voice on the other side was equally low and murderous. "The next time you watch Sherlock Holmes without me, that dead man yesterday won't be the only thing killed in this _house_."

Sasuke nearly crushed his phone due to the irony of it all. This was ironic, considering he could clearly hear Sherlock Holmes playing in Naruto's background. And the fact that Sasuke was the one who _killed_ the man yesterday didn't prove Naruto any more valid.

"Naruto, it isn't a _house_ , it's an apartment, to be precise, a _conjoined_ apartment," Sasuke corrected but Naruto wasn't having any of it.

"LOVE YOU TOO PUMPKIN PIE, BE HOME FOR THE COOKIE DOUGH OR ELSE--"

Sasuke hung up before things get too out of hand in the lobby. He didn't need to look around to know everyone was in hysteric. By tomorrow, gossips about him will be all over the organization. Itachi was being carted out of the lobby on a stretcher. Sasuke decided. Tonight will be the night. He's going to bury Uzakichi Naruto alive and make it look like an accident. He'll have a beer while doing it too. It'll be glorious.

  * •••••••••••



Sasuke unlocked the door to his own apartment, entering only to have a gun pressed tight against his chest. A _great_ welcome home, really _, it is._

"Why did you hung up on me?" Naruto asked, pushing the gun deeper into Sasuke chest. The raven raised his hand up in defeat as he moved out of the way. Naruto was quick to kick the door closed, not taking his evil eyes off his target.

"The bigger question here is why you're running around threatening innocent civilians with an injured leg," Sasuke retorted, taking a step back when the gun was pressed closer.

"I'll worry about my leg and you worry about your life Uchiyama," Naruto said, face in a frown. It was a quick flash, the gun moving and a shot was heard as Naruto pulled the trigger. Sasuke didn't flinch one bit, instead, he glared at his apartment in distressed. Naruto shot at absolutely _nothing_.

"Why would you put a hole through my floor," Sasuke hissed, moving only for the handgun to stop him short.

"There was a squirrel, I saved your life," Naruto huffed, reloading his shots.

"The squirrel was on the couch five feet away; can you not aim or are you just high?" Sasuke pointed out in his husky voice, not surprised when Naruto pressed the gun up his jaw.

"You know what else doesn't require aim or me being high?" Naruto questioned, eyebrow raised and fingers toying with the trigger. Sasuke guessed the rest.

Sasuke opened his mouth to retort but the blond pushed the gun up further, effectively quieting him. It was a rhetorical question, not meant to be answered.

"I feel betrayed Sasuke, I really do," Naruto nodded as if feeling truly sorrowful, "I can't _believe_ you cheated on me by watching ahead on _my_ favorite show."

Sasuke, on the other hand, couldn't _believe_ he was being threatened in his own apartment by a crazy neighbor.

"Why are you acting like a grumpy girlfriend? It's just a show," Sasuke snorted, his mockery short-lived. Immediately regretting it the moment Naruto pulled the trigger. The shot went off to the side, barely missing the Uchiha but the sound was so loud, it was as if the trigger was pulled right next to his ears. Oh wait, it is.

"Call me that one more time--"

"Right, I meant boy--"

"Don't cut me off while I'm talking either," Naruto shouted, probably damaging Sasuke's ears more than the gunshot did.

"Seriously, Naruto, if you're high, I can help put out your lights for the night," Sasuke offered with totally good intentions. " _and hopefully for the rest of your life too_."

"What was that?"

"I said," Sasuke repeated, inhaling deeply, "the food is getting cold, let's eat."

Naruto narrowed his eyes, looking up and straight into Sasuke's midnight ones.

"That's what I thought," Naruto said, retreating his gun and stuffing it dangerously into the back of his pocket. Sasuke will wait to celebrate the day Naruto's gun accidentally goes off and shoots its owner in the ass. And last Sasuke checked, are janitors supposed to wave a gun easily around like it was a mop or duster of some sort?

"Look, look, the squirrels bit me twice again when I tried to use your bathroom," Naruto said, rolling up his sleeves to show off his trophies. Sasuke sat on the sofa and kept his distance.

"You better get that cleaned properly or you can get, I don't know, rabies or something," Sasuke said in disgust before pushing Naruto out of the way to reach for the food.

Naruto gasped as if offended, "I'm your flat mate and here you are, not caring if I die?"

"Naruto," Sasuke said, pausing to chew and swallowed, "I'm here for you, the most I can do is call the coffin service."

"Heartless, crazy bastard," Naruto said, clicking his tongue and returned to the food before it runs out.

Sasuke set down the chopstick and took his time to wipe his mouth with a clean napkin.

"Say, the psychotic man who shoved a gun up to my face upon my arrival home," Sasuke retorted, still in disbelief. "How can you walk? Do you _even_ have a license to use guns?"

Naruto whipped his head around so fast, lightning speed came up short in comparison.

"I'll have you know, I have a license for a lot of things. _Both legal and not_. I'm also a bouncer, we keep troublesome people out of the clubs when needed," Naruto lied, but his frown so deep, it would have convinced anyone.

Sasuke was busy wrapping his head around the concept. Couldn't believe the night club hired someone with crappy aim and temper as short as Naruto's.

"And what about you?" Naruto accused, casually eating his food, "do _all_ salary man has crazy good sniper skills?"

Sasuke paused, thinking of an excuse in seconds.

"I'm actually a bodyguard, paid to protect..CEOs and big names," Sasuke said, averting his gaze and turned to pick up his chopsticks.

"Which CEO?"

"Can't say,"

"Why not?" Naruto pestered.

"Because you'll probably come to my work place and beg for free food," Sasuke said, pushing Naruto away when the blond got nosy.

"Maybe...I should change job," Naruto said distantly, fingers feeling the white bandage on his leg. "Mine is getting a bit dangerous."

"Hn," Sasuke grunted, looking away, not wanting to think about what kind of bouncer gets shot in the leg by a bullet filled with poison. It took Sasuke forever to pull the shells out.

"And it seems your job pay is high too," Naruto added, looking at Sasuke mischievously. The raven stared with half-lidded eyes, already knowing what was about to come.

"Yeah, I checked your bank amount," Naruto chuckled and whistled impressively. "A whopping twenty-six million."

Yes. 26 million. Sasuke assumed by now it was close to about zero cents, considering Naruto had his hands on it. He thanked heavens it wasn't his main account or else his retirement savings would've been gone too.

"You may not believe it, but I used to have hundreds of millions in my bank too," Naruto informed, and Sasuke didn't believe it for a second. Was he robbed for all of that to disappear? Do bouncers make that much?

"I used most of it," Naruto said, a bit regretful. "I bought a vault in the England's bank...and had it filled to the brim with all types of instant noodles."

At this point in life, Sasuke was tired of asking why.

"Why?" Sasuke grumbled.

"Figured one day instant noodles would be extinct and I'd be rich if I sold it during high demand times," Naruto shrugged like it didn't bother him much.

"What a moron," Sasuke shook his head and went back to eating.

"Yeah...for once, I kind of agree," Naruto sighed, he was young back then. Only two years ago...

"You know what Sasuke?" Naruto asked, throwing his empty plate on the table.

"Naruto, I think I've had enough social interactions today," Sasuke said, " _especially with you_."

Naruto continued anyways, "I think you're an okay guy, I feel we could exchange secrets, just the two of us."

"You know what else I should've kept a secret?" Sasuke said, eyes bored and Naruto curiously looked over. "My credit card, I should've kept that shit to myself."

Naruto laughed, his voice radiating around the room as he patted Sasuke on the back.

"Oh, it's okay, I'm just buying daily food and... pay-rent-and-all-that-stuff," Naruto whispered the last part but Sasuke heard it. He planted his face into his hand, rethinking life. He was earning money for two, this was even worse than having a family of his own.

"No worries, the squirrels took my card so once we get it back, we'll do a switcheroos kind of thing," Naruto said, pulling devastated Sasuke into a quick side hug before returning to the watching the show.

It wasn't even a second later that Naruto spoke up again, "Oh, and Sasuke?"

Midnight eyes glared up, not quite recovered from his earlier shock.

"We need to buy a new couch, the springs are starting to come out," Naruto said, patting his orange sofa. Sasuke wasn't emotionally affected anymore. His face blank and stoic but he was losing hair dangerously fast.

  * ••



They ended up laying on the couch for the whole night, kicking one another to get their legs comfortable. Sasuke had to hook one leg over the sofa because apparently, _Naruto_ had an "injured" leg. As if it was an excuse for everything. To make matter worse, he wasn't going to work due to an "injury". It was a true horror story, two grown men trying to fit onto one sofa.

"Naruto, get your nasty foot off me," Sasuke scowled, smacking the leg off his chest.

"Who are you to speak, gorilla?!" Naruto retorted, pushing Sasuke's leg away also.

It continued for the whole night, Sasuke believed it was the latest he ever stayed up to fight over a sleeping spot.

"Don't you have your own bed?!?" Sasuke complained, already giving up on removing Naruto's "injured" leg from on top of him.

"Don't _you_?" Naruto shot right back.

"Are you telling me to go on a suicide mission with those squirrels?" Sasuke spat, had his leg been a tad longer, he'd kick the blond in the face.

"You look like that one piece of gum no one can scrape off the bottom of their shoe, who knows, you might survive," Naruto shrugged, looking arrogant as he stared back at TV.

Their bickering was cut off short when Naruto's doorknob was aggressively jarred. Sasuke was quick, sliding off the couch to glare at the door.

_Not again._

He exchanged a glance with Naruto, silently asking if it could be an acquaintance. The blond shook his head in response, eyes dangerous and it was all the indication Sasuke needed. He scooped Naruto up in his arms and ran for hole leading into the other apartment.

Sasuke paused, hesitating whether it was a good idea to face the squirrels now out of all times.

"My bathroom," Naruto whispered, head jerking toward the opposite direction, "my guns are under the sink."

Sasuke didn't have time to disagree when someone slammed against the door again, effectively breaking a few locks.

Sasuke fled for the room Naruto pointed to, slightly struggling because carrying a dead weight wasn't the easiest thing. Naruto needed to chill on the fast food or else his weight might break a bigger hole on the floor than the gunshot did.

Naruto wasted no time fastening the eight locks on his bedroom door as they passed. Hoping it'd buy them time when the attacker comes in.

Sasuke was _nice_ enough to _not_ throw Naruto into the bathtub but set him on the floor instead. He opened the cabinets under the sink and guns flowing out almost suffocated him.

"What the fuck Naruto?" Sasuke hissed, pointing to the pile of handguns on the floor. Obviously, the money he spent didn't go _all_ into the instant noodles in the vault.

"No time, just grab something," Naruto scowled quietly, already grabbing two guns for himself.

Sasuke clicked his tongue in annoyance before taking a random one from the pile, peeking out through the crack of the bathroom door.

"Just so you know, I'm not great at aiming so don't rely on me," Naruto warned.

Sasuke could see that, considering the hole on his floor earlier was just a disaster. He felt endangered both from the front and the back now. Good thing Sasuke was trained to aim and _dodge_ , otherwise, he'd be dead before the attacker even comes into play. Except, he...wasn't as good without his sniping rifle. The aim might be a little off but nothing to worry about, as long as it was better than Naruto's, they had a chance. Sasuke poked his gun out of the little opening between the bathroom's door.

The moment Naruto's bedroom's door slammed open, Sasuke rained shots onto anything that moved. Recycling through the guns when one ran out of bullets. The sound must have been deafening but the raven didn't notice, didn't care. A hand on Sasuke's shoulder almost shocked the bones out of him.

"Sasuke, chill, he's dead, I heard his body fell," Naruto ushered, throwing his own gun back into the pile of many.

Sasuke huffed, putting his weapon down only to grab a newer one, just in case. He stood from his crouched position, extending a hand to Naruto who gladly took it.

"Future advice," Sasuke said, turning back to look at Naruto just as they exited the bathroom. "Never sneak up on a sniper while they're shooting. Friends or not, they _will_ kill you."

Naruto nodded, imprinting the information permanently in his head. He hadn't missed the deadly stillness Sasuke displayed when shooting. A hunter in waiting. There was no hesitation, no shaking, no amateur playfulness. He came to kill and that was all.

Sasuke stopped in front of the tattered body, staring down at it with a blank expression. Naruto limped after him, noticing every part of the corpse torn with gunshots.

"You went a bit overboard," Naruto said after a while, impressed how not a single drop of blood was seen.

Sasuke nudged the dead body, testing to see if it was still alive. After confirming his suspicions, he bent down and picked up the corpse. They shuffled to the living room. Both silent but already knowing what was coming next.

"Why mine? Use _your_ fireplace," Naruto complained, watching as Sasuke throw the dead man into the fire.

Sasuke dusted his clothes, disgusted at the marks left from the man's body.

"One," the raven said, giving Naruto a glare. "This guy is _your_ apartment's responsibility, and two, you can complain when _you're_ the one carrying him."

Naruto paused, closing the glass doors to the fireplace. His blue eyes on the glittering fire, not looking at Sasuke as he talked, "You're not exactly a bodyguard, are you?"

Sasuke stopped in his track, eyes focused on his dark side of the apartment. Not looking at anything in particular as he fixed his wrist watch.

"And you're not really a bouncer or a janitor," Sasuke said, referring to the pile of guns in Naruto's bathroom.

They both stood in the same spot in silence. Sasuke pretending to be busy with pulling his dress shirt's cuffs and Naruto changing the fire's intensity. Neither really knowing what to say.

"I don't care," Naruto said suddenly, turning to limp for the sofa, all the while not making eye contact.

"Me either," Sasuke finished quickly, avoiding meeting Naruto's eyes. He sped to the hole on the wall, entering his apartment. Sasuke didn't want to think about it. He was breathing the same air as a serial killer for all he knew. He didn't know much about Naruto as much as he assumed he did. Sasuke shrugged himself out of it. All he wanted at this moment was a shower. A long shower to wash off the dead smell on him.

Naruto fell asleep to the sound of the shower running and an occasional scream coming from Sasuke. He had a smile on his face, he was glad the squirrels didn't end up on his side of the apartment instead.

  * ••••••••



Naruto might have fallen asleep happy but he didn't wake up feeling so. The sound of continuous gun reloading was driving him crazy. He shot up from his comfy sofa, madly searching for the clicking sound.

"Sasuke, it's five in the morning can you shut up for a second?!?!" Naruto yelled, glaring over to the spot where Sasuke sat by the large wall window. The sun was beginning to rise over the city, coloring the sky with yellow and blue. From here, Sasuke looked like grumpy a child, bitter because no one was playing his toys with him. He stared absently out the window, sniping rifles of all type littered around.

More like a _dangerous_ child than a grumpy one.

Sasuke was repeatedly reloading, there was no shooting so Naruto assumed it was safe to sneak up on him. The blond walked behind the couch and approached the man.

"Hey," Naruto said, nudging Sasuke with his foot and immediately fleeing to a safe spot behind the sofa. He didn't even get a second to blink before Sasuke shot a hole through his couch. Adding to the sofa's damage and reasons why they need to get a new one.

Naruto stared wide-eyed at the sudden appearance of a hole on his cushion. If it had been a bit more to the left, the bullet would've gone straight into his skull.

"Okay, you're pissed," Naruto gulped, poking his head out from behind the couch.

"I'm _not_ pissed," Sasuke said, reloading the gun and looking down at the city through his scope. Just when he seemed to find a target, he pulled back and reloaded. Repeating the process over and over again, Naruto doing nothing but watch.

"So, I'm guessing something happened with your job," Naruto said, bending down to pick up a stray rifle.

"They called an emergency and had every...employee stayed home," Sasuke said plainly, aiming once again.

"..So you're mad," Naruto said, running his fingers almost sensually over the gun, "because you're getting a day off work."

Sasuke reloaded, staring up at the blond with an unreadable expression, "basically, yes."

Naruto came to a conclusion, Uchiyama Sasuke was an obsessed gunner who can't stand a day without shooting somebody.

"Come," Sasuke said suddenly, standing up and tossing Naruto a random sniping rifle out of the large pile.

"Where are we going?" Naruto said in shock, the long gun cradled awkwardly in his arms. He just woke up and one of his eyes weren't even fully open.

"Roof, we own the highest floor, so technically the roof is ours," Sasuke reasoned, dumping his sniping guns into a gym bag that he got out of nowhere.

Naruto shook his head violently.

"That's not true at all, we're not allowed to have access to the roof," he said, though he doesn't believe so himself. Now was a convenient time to follow rules.

"Your leg seemed better, that's pretty fast healing," Sasuke changed the subject, totally ignoring Naruto's words.

"Sasuke."

"What?"

"Are you seriously going to carry a bunch of rifles down the hall and expect not to, I don't know, get caught?" Naruto challenged, crossing his arm defiantly.

Sasuke sighed, a long breath held in for many years.

"Naruto, if your moron ass hasn't noticed, we're the _only_ two living on this floor," Sasuke said, waving his hand at nowhere in particular. He had a point, but it wasn't good enough.

"Okay, and using a gun in broad daylight is _such_ a great idea," Naruto retorted, tapping his foot impatiently on the wooden floor.

"We're not _using_ it," Sasuke said, hand reaching over to grab Naruto by the shoulder and pulling him along. "We're...practicing."

Naruto paused, a bad feeling bubbling in the pit of his stomach.

"I'll teach you how to aim, _properly_ ," Sasuke smirked, looping an arm around Naruto’s neck like any old buddies would do.

Sasuke smelled kind of nice Naruto noticed. Like Armani cologne. And gunpowder. Really, really nice mixture.

Now Naruto was having a really bad case of butterflies in his stomach.

How _terribly_ great.

•••••••••

End of **Chapter 1 : Two Peas in a Pod**

•••••••••

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I apologized for this, because... no promises. It came out of nowhere.


	2. Deadly Aim

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> July 12, 2016 3:28 am
> 
> July 16, 2016, 00:25
> 
> EDITED: July 15, 2017, 13:21 a/n: I went back to edit grammars and cringe. NOT AN UPDATE.
> 
> WARNING: I do not hold back with my curse words. Can’t control myself.
> 
> A/N: This is cross posted everywhere if some of you preferred reading on that platform.

**This is an edit reposted on July 15, 2017**

••••••••••••

**Chapter 2 : Deadly Aim**

_(those who skipped straight to the story and haven't heard. I apologize. No promises with updates.)_

Did Naruto ever mention there was a huge ass hole on his wall? Broken down by his landlord because she wanted to get a bunch of squirrels out to safety? Because of that, Sasuke was currently freeloading on Naruto's couch and picking a fight every now and then. Naruto _did_ mention it, somewhere. Not to add the fact that he was shot in the leg and attacked by two gunmen in the span of 48 hours, WHILE off work. He got bitten by so many squirrels he lost count. His neighbor turned out to be a gun obsessed, psychopathic " _bodyguard_ " who owned a few millions worth of sniping rifles. He didn't even know where to begin suing.

Naruto didn't _think_ things can get worse. Until he made a mistake of socializing too much and got under Sasuke's skin. In the wrong way.

'Talk a lot' they said, _'make friends with everyone and good things will happen'_ they said. See where that got Naruto. On the windy roof of their apartment complex at 6 in the damn morning _that's_ where. He was still in his pajamas for heaven's sake. It was not going to bring him down, however. Naruto was an optimistic man. he saw the glass half full not empty and the world as a home and not a house but all this crap is starting to--

"I beg to differ," Sasuke spoke suddenly and closing the metal doors leading down into the building.

Apparently, Naruto hadn't said all of that in his head as he originally thought.

"The world is neither a home nor a house. It's Earth, a planet human has no choice but to survive in," Sasuke corrected and snatching the rifle out of Naruto’s hands. "And it's not considered freeloading if you used my damn money to pay for every useless shit."

Details, details, Sasuke liked to bring up such useless topics. He did, however, had a point, Naruto couldn't really win either argument there. Instead, he watched Sasuke reloaded the rifle, looking through the scope at something.

"What are you doing?" Naruto asked, not out of curiosity but suspicion. The rifle was seemingly pointed at a bird lodged on the power line.

"Testing," Sasuke barely mumbled as he threw the rifle back to Naruto without warning. There was a brief moment, Naruto noticed Sasuke looking fondly toward his direction. Holy hell, perhaps Sasuke had a crush on him?

"That gun," Sasuke sighed with a slight smile. "Was one of my very first, shoots as far as 1800 meters. It was beautiful seeing its bullets rips through people."

"Oh." Naruto came to a conclusion the rifle he's holding might as well be Sasuke's first love.

"Come here," Sasuke ordered, gesturing for Naruto to follow as they strolled to the edge of the roof.

They both crouched behind the ledge, looking down the busy streets beneath them. A beautiful view in the early morning. Naruto would've enjoyed it if not for the fact that he was up here to snipe. Naruto wasn't one to 'aim', let alone snipe. It was an absurd concept. He and sniper in one sentence were already odd itself.

"The first step to accurate sniping is to stop shaking like a leaf," Sasuke said, grabbing Naruto's rifle and setting it up for him.

"It's freezing up here, what do you want me to do?" Naruto retorted bitterly. He was a night assassin, a blade user. It was his constant movement keeping him warm on cold nights, sniping isn't going to bake the cake or stop world hunger.

"Here," Sasuke said, throwing a jacket at Naruto as he set up his own sniping rifle.

Naruto gladly caught it, noting a slight scent of bullets and metal. It was in the same gym bag as Sasuke's rifles. Fuck, Naruto loved it.

"Since you offered," Naruto spoke quickly and slipping on the jacket. "Remember, I didn't beg for it."

Smelled kind Sasuke's closet too, once he got past the complicated smell. The man needn't to know Naruto's been in his closet before either.

"Don't punch me," Sasuke said, moving behind Naruto and wrapping his arms around the blond to show him the _'proper'_ way of holding the rifle. It was cliché...and warm, and romantic and done on purpose. Or Naruto liked to assume.

It felt like they're a couple, and Sasuke was Naruto's deadly knight on a horse with a gun tucked in his belt.

"And then, you do this, put this part between your shoulder and collar," Sasuke explained, returning to his own gun. Ending Naruto's love fairy tale unfairly _quick_. Which was good because Naruto sort of want to be the one riding the horse and wearing the armor--"and aim, and do this, then this, then just shoot."

Something in the distance pops.

Naruto might be crazy and overdramatic for saying this but Sasuke just shot a lost balloon without looking.

"Alright, you try it," Sasuke urged, and pointed to an innocent wine bottle on the roof three buildings away.

Naruto simply stared at the man with a straight face. Sasuke was exactly like his first-grade teacher. Telling them one plus one equals two and not explaining the reason so. The _logic_ of math he said. He didn't even _know_ what the word logic _means_. Naruto had to single-handedly go home and searched it up.

"Sure, why not," Naruto sighed, looking through the scope and aimed for the wine bottle. He gripped the rifle closer, the butt pressed firm above the right side of his chest. Naruto huffed. Holding his breath and pulled the trigger.

He missed.

"Naruto, it isn't even _moving_ ," Sasuke scolded. "Try again."

Naruto frowned and looked through the scope to aim. He gave the trigger a flick.

Missed.

The bullet lodged inside the building's walls instead.

"Again."

He did and missed.

"You need to calm down and make sure the target is in the center, how hard can that be?"

Apparently, very _fucking_ hard.

"Again."

Sasuke is a slave driver.

Naruto shot so many bullets, it accumulated into a detailed art of a sad face on the wall. Barely visible three buildings away but it was there. He looked over to Sasuke with a crooked grin of his own.

Sasuke sighed but nodded approvingly anyways.

"That red cup on the balcony," he pointed and Naruto's eyes followed. Three buildings away but on a lower level. Harder.

"I got it, babe," Naruto smirked, confidence spiked.

"Don't think I wouldn't shoot you dead right here, Uzakichi," Sasuke warned at the mention of the nickname.

Naruto rolled his eyes, relaxed and let his hand wandered near the trigger. Aiming through the scope until the target is on perfect point.

He fired. The bullet ripped through the air and the recoil printed a bruise on his skin. It popped the plastic red cup in half, water splattered over the dry balcony. Their celebration cut short when the bullet continued flying past the cup. It flew fast and the next thing they knew, the clothing store's huge glass window shattered. Raining shards of transparent blades into the sky. The sunlight gleamed and reflected off each and every one of it. The bullet went on to shoot a person dead on the forehead. Both Sasuke and Naruto watched with a blank expression. Waiting and assessing, as the man fell to the floor, motionless.

"This might be the best aim I've seen coming from you," Sasuke muttered, leaning forward to get a closer look but it was quite far away.

"Forget the aim," Naruto murmured in awe, "how strong is that bullet?!"

They laughed. High fived. Sasuke's congratulating pat on Naruto's back. It took them awhile, laughter ceasing as they both paused at the same time. They turned to stare lazily at one another.

Realization hit, smiles dropped. A human killed _outside_ of work. Perfectly _illegal_.

Sasuke was quick to react. Packing his guns into the gym bag.

"What do I do?!?!" Naruto panicked and watching Sasuke, who was surprisingly calm. "I killed him!"

"I don't know about you," Sasuke mumbled quickly as he slung the gym bag over his shoulder. "But I'm moving to Hawaii and starting my retirement. Early."

"You're fucking crazy you know that?!" Naruto said in distressed, following the man down the stairs from the roof. "Take me with you!"

"Fuck no! Three years of your annoying ass and I'm already _this_ insane."

Naruto gasped. A traitor was Sasuke's real identity. It was three years and two months! The bastard forgot their damn anniversary. Talk about unfaithful.

"Insane or not, how can you be so calm? We just killed an _innocent_ civilian!" Naruto screeched after Sasuke and clinging onto his shirt.

"Correction!" Sasuke scowled and whipping around, effectively shoving Naruto away. " _YOU_ killed an innocent civilian."

Oh, now they were doing the blame game. Why is this not new?

"It's your gun!" Naruto retorted as they scampered down the hall to their apartments. "And if anything, they'll check the fingerprints on that bullet first!

He paused to give a devilish grin, "and guess who it belongs to? Sasuke you're a _genius_!"

The door to Naruto's apartment was already unlocked, both pouring in. Shoving one another to enter first.

"I've developed a habit from a young age to never reload with my bare hands," Sasuke said simply, speed walking through the hole to his side of the apartment and away from his problems. Possibly going to hide his guns.

"Sasuke! You can't be serious!" Naruto whined, clinging to the raven again. This can't be real.

"Naruto!" Sasuke scowled and turned to glare at the blond. "I am freaking out right now! Let me think!"

Fuck 'thinking'. Instead of doing something useless, how about they start buying plane tickets? It was Sasuke's money they'll spend anyway.

Naruto stayed silent and ran to his window, face plastered against the glass. He squinted while looking at the store he shot earlier.

"Not good, police cars!!"

"We're going out, dress to blend in," Sasuke said in finalization, already running to his apartment to hide the guns.

Naruto felt helpless but nodded anxiously anyways.

  * ••••••••••••



"Pull down your hood, we look like thugs, you moron," _said_ Sasuke, who was walking down the sunny, colorful, crowded streets in all gloomy black and dark sunglasses.

_Ironic._

"Sorry, I'm a bit paranoid right now," Naruto grumbled, pulling down his hood and stroking his fake mustache just to make sure it was still on. He didn't want it dropping on him the moment they reached the crime scene. Talk about suspicious.

"What are we going to do once we get there, boss?" Naruto said out of humor but he was more serious than the dead.

"No idea," Sasuke said in a low voice so only Naruto could hear. "Haven't thought that far."

Naruto groaned. So much for having a 'genius' neighbor. This wasn't a plan. They were criminals voluntarily turning themselves in.

"We'll assess the situation," Sasuke whispered, leaning closer to Naruto's ears. "And if shit gets really bad, we beat up one of the officers and take their uniform. Sneak in and get rid of the evidence."

Commit more crimes. Sasuke never disappointed.

"But what if we don't fit their uniforms--"

"Naruto?! Sasuke!?"

A woman's booming voice had them both startled. They looked toward the bread store and spotted the person calling. Their face dropped at once.

_Sakura. The gossiper._

"Look at that, I never would've guessed," Sakura grinned, approaching them.

"Keep walking," Sasuke hissed silently and Naruto was more than happy to comply.

They didn't make it far. Sakura was a persistent one.

"What are you guys doing out here?" Sakura pestered, she seemed happy, cheerful, bubbly, evil to the least. "On a date?"

Naruto was quick to correct her, "We're taking care of... business."

"Important business," Sasuke added. They were speeding their way down the streets, hoping to lose Sakura.

"But Sasuke and Naruto? On one team? Getting along? Everyone would have a field day," she smiled wickedly. Her implications unheard by both.

"Sure, thing Sakura," Naruto muttered, on the lookout for the police

"Do us a favor and go back to your Panera Bread," Sasuke ushered, too distracted by his issues to listen to her. Though they were both silently wondering how the other came to know Sakura. Acquaintance? Friend?

As if on cue, a police car zoomed by. Sasuke and Naruto simultaneously pulled up their hood and ran after it. In sync. Two tall guys in all black clothes, running in the crowd filled streets. Not suspicious at all.

"What are they doing?" Sakura murmured to herself. Weirded out. She swore Naruto and Sasuke spoke so badly of each other at work.

_"Uzumaki is a moron who prefers brawn over brain."_

_"Uchiha is a loser too wimpy to fight me head on."_

Then again, they never had a chance to meet at work, Naruto was a night shift and Sasuke during the day. No one would've guessed their top sniper and front liner to get along.

  * ••••••••••••



"How come I don't see any ambulances?" Naruto panicked again.

"We couldn't have missed it," Sasuke reassured, looking over his shoulders. Their plan is ruined if the victim is carted away.

"No! He's still there!" Naruto pointed, a bit eager. A body laid on the floor of the clothing store, glass pieces surrounding him. Unmoving.

They ran to get a closer look, stopping just outside the police's yellow blockage.

There was a moment a silence, their breath hitched. Eyes squinting and observing.

A sigh. Sasuke's. Sounding a quarter relief, a quarter disappointed, a quarter tired, and a quarter livid.

"Well. Fuck." Naruto said, straightening up.

Sasuke was done with everything Naruto had to offer in life. _More_ than done if he must say.

"I can't believe I step foot outside on my day off work because you shot a _damn_ **mannequin**."

Naruto shrugged, "we all make mistakes."

Not Sasuke. He never made a mistake other than turning a blind eye to Naruto's existence. Should have killed the blond while he still had a chance.

"It's 11:12 am," Naruto sighed, checking his phone then glancing up at Sasuke. "Want to get breakfast?"

"Technically," Sasuke corrected, "it's lunch."

"Not for me it isn't," Naruto grinned, slinging an arm around the raven's neck and pulling him down the streets. "I kind of wanted to try this new restaurant."

"The Nuaa," he said dramatically and waving his hand.

Sasuke narrowed his eyes. Naruto pulling the raven down to his height, making Sasuke bend awkwardly.

"Naruto, the place is a mile away."

"What?" Naruto chuckled, "is that distance going to _kill_ you?"

"No," Sasuke grumbled, pushing the arm looped around his neck off. "But the time spent with you to _reach_ that distance is going to make me want to kill _you_."

" _Honey_! Control yourself, we're in public," Naruto said a bit too loudly. On purpose.

Sasuke scrunched his fist and glowered. He wanted to kill. Every day, for the last three years and two months and thirteen days and four hours fifty-six minutes and twenty-seven seconds. Sasuke wanted to kill Naruto the moment their eyes met.

"Race you," Naruto laughed, shoving Sasuke violently aside, "loser has to pay."

Sasuke watched, unamused. Naruto bolted down the street as if he never got shot in the leg forty-eight hours ago. Running perfectly well.

Sasuke waited, trailing silently after Naruto. He lived next to the Naruto long enough to know idiot's exact running endurance.

He hadn't run for a full five minutes before waving Sasuke over to call for a taxi. Endurance definitely got worse since January.

  * •••••



"I told you they're dating," Sakura said, sitting on top of a building with her feet dangling off the edge. Shikamaru standing a few feet back, observing the city beneath.

"And just yesterday we had a talk about him dating someone equally dangerous," he sighed. Turning his attention back to scouting.

"That aside," Shikamaru said, scanning the passing civilians, "did you get any intel on it?"

They were up high. Too high for anyone to hear.

  * ••••••••••••



Sasuke was once again lazing on the tattered orange sofa. Stomach filled and despite him not having his credit card physically, he can tell it was crying cents because it was all that was left.

When they both stumbled into the apartment sticky earlier, Naruto claimed the showers first. Which, he had no right to since it was _Sasuke's_ bathroom they're fighting over.

"Sasukeee!!"

Speaking of the devil. Naruto could be thousands of miles away and he'll still kill Sasuke's eardrums.

"Sasuke!!" Naruto was at screeching point now.

Sasuke grabbed the remote and upped the TV's volume.

"Sasuke!! I'm dying!!!" Naruto shrieked even louder this time. They might be the only two on this floor, but Sasuke betted a million dollars he'll get complaints tomorrow.

"Sasuke help me!" Desperate wailing that sounded suspiciously like a dying whale.

"Damn, Naruto!" Sasuke yelled back, voice equally booming. "What the fuck do you want me to do?? Wipe your ass??"

"Come here! I'm seriously about to die!"

Sasuke stood, face full of killing intentions as he stomped toward his bedroom, where the master bathroom was located. Temporarily forgotten about the squirrels lurking in his apartment. Naruto was going to die for sure. Sasuke will make sure of it one way or another.

Sasuke pulled on the bathroom's handle, intending to slam the door open and 'accidentally' killing someone behind it.

Naruto voice from inside stopped him, however.

"Wait! What are you a fucking pervert?"

Sasuke paused, glaring at the door.

"Can you get me a towel or something?"

He held his breath and slowly exhaled. Just like that, Sasuke returned to his blank expression. Totally not pissed. Totally not going to kill out of impulses.

Sasuke sauntered to his bed and grabbed a towel laying on it. He hoped the squirrels contaminated it. Sasuke creaked the bathroom's door open, throwing the soft towel in at full strength. A higher chance to land a hit on Naruto and causing a severe concussion. It'll be simpler to explain his neighbor's death that way.

"Thanks," Naruto sighed from behind the door. Shuffling noises ensues and Sasuke wanted nothing more than to step on and crush something blonde and soft. Naruto sounded very much alive if Sasuke must say.

"Sorry," Naruto grinned sheepishly, coming out of the bathroom half holy-fucking naked and scratching the back of his head. He didn't seem to be in a near death condition or anything remotely related. "I actually forgot my towel and I know you're not going to _bring_ me one out of the goodness of your heart. And I didn't want to run naked all the way from here to my apartment, you know. It's the longest distance recorded in history and there are those threatening squirrels and you really don't wanna see my naked dick flying out there blah blah blah..."

Sasuke stared blankly at the other man wrapped snugly in his towel. Eyeing it like a hawk, a little slip of skin there--

 _Fuck_.

One thing for sure, Sasuke wasn't listening to the bullshit Naruto's spouting, he tuned out the moment the blond said _thanks_.

Naruto even had the _audacity_ to throw his dirty clothes into Sasuke's hamper. A hideously black shirt and orange boxers in Sasuke's basket of _whites_ only.

"What are you doing?" Sasuke said in a lifeless voice as he reached for his gun. Cursing under his breath when he remembered leaving it on the coffee table.

Naruto headed straight for Sasuke's closet and flung the doors open like he owned the place. He was rummaging and digging through clothes Sasuke spent hours sorting and folding.

"I haven't--," Naruto grunted as he yanked out a pair of shorts deep in the masses of clothes. "--done my laundry in a while."

Sasuke glared at Naruto, who carelessly dropped his towel to slip on the pants he found...without an underwear underneath. Sasuke turned away, deciding he didn't want those shorts back in his closet. He wants it decontaminated, burn to ashes and buried fifty feet under.

"Oh no," Naruto muttered silently, nuzzling his nose in a shirt he found and Sasuke couldn't help but perked up. Their eyes met in a meaningful exchange. "Your shirt is so soft and smell decently nice..."

Sasuke was silent, not trying to show it but he was judging hard. If it was so soft and Naruto so loves cuddling with it, he might as well have the shirt because Sasuke didn't want that snotty piece of fabric near his closet either.

"Naruto, you better--" Sasuke said, only to get cut off when he was grabbed by the collar. Naruto yanking them together and Sasuke barely reacted in time. His hands flying up to grip Naruto's neck and stopping his advancements. Their faces were frightening close. Naruto pulling them even closer.

"What are...you doing???".." Sasuke scowled, struggling to keep Naruto at bay. Their veins visible as they struggled.

"Sneaking in a kiss," Naruto grunted. Despite his neck being crushed under Sasuke's hands, he was persistently pulling them closer.

"Over my dead body," Sasuke retorted.

They were running out of strength and breath but neither wanted to lose. Especially Naruto. Forget about the kiss, this is a fight-to-the-death battle between neighbors who held back frustrations for three years. Sasuke was always using his keys too loudly, cutting fucking tomatoes too loudly, showering too loudly, turning on the television too loudly, rocking his armchair too loudly, breathing too loudly, being alive. For three, consecutive years straight. Naruto could legitimately write down Sasuke's schedule with his eyes closed. Watching the same damn news channel _every day_ , and before Naruto knew it, he was watching it too. (Only because it was annoying having television sounds from both apartments overlap.) Not to mention how frustrating and long it took for his ears to get used to Sasuke's footsteps. It was like the bastard changed the rhythm every month just to mess with Naruto's security system. Don’t even get him started on Sasuke’s insomnia and habit of falling asleep on the armchair rather than his bed.

Sasuke was close to strangling his neighbor to death and he was not regretting a single thing. Until a certain ring-tone caught his ears. The familiar tune that plays only when an emergency is present.

 _Itachi_.

With panicking strength, Sasuke pushed Naruto off and bolted out of the room. Jumping over the hole and scampering to the other apartment with lightning's speed. Sasuke snatched the phone right off the coffee table and placed it next to his ears.

"What??" He scowled, gripping the phone tightly.

"Ah. Sasuke, took you a while to answer. Your phone is not next to you. A bit _busy_ baby brother?" Itachi's static voice came through.

Till this day, Sasuke wondered why the hell Itachi liked sticking his nose in other's business so much.

"No. I'm off work, why would I be busy," Sasuke said in the flattest voice he could muster. He glanced nervously toward his bedroom, a curious Naruto poked his head out.

"Good then, you're free I assumed," Itachi said and Sasuke could only listen with suspicion. "I have arrived in front of the apartment building, with food of course--"

Sasuke hung up. Eyes wide and breath flaring. Mind working like a clock, except faster. Itachi soul often take one step and a half every second, considering his legs are this height, the strides are larger, it takes the elevator three minutes to get up on the top floor, unless there were other passengers, it was only two in the afternoon, not many would be in the building at this hour, a 47% chance Itachi will encounter people while riding the elevator, it'll take approximately 7 seconds for the metal doors to close each time it opens, the elevator goes up at the speed of....

Naruto had no idea what was happening, but the expression on Sasuke's face said shit was about to go down. Whatever it was, Naruto wanted absolutely nothing to do with it. He decided to screw getting involve and instead, crept out of the room as quietly as he could. The difficult part would be getting past Sasuke without being noticed but his neighbor was pretty fried right now. Naruto had a chance. He had been doing this for years, sneaking to his room so he won't be caught by Jiraiya and forced to do chores.

"Naruto!"

"For fuck's sake!" Naruto yelled in frustration. "What is it??"

Sasuke was searching through a random closet in his own apartment. In comparison, Naruto's place was much brighter. After all, he wasn't as psychopathic as his neighbor, he preferred to keep his window's screen wide open 24/7.

Sasuke pulled out what seemed like a broom and a dustpan from the ancient storage closet.

"We have six minutes," Sasuke said calmly and threw the cleaning materials at the unexpected blond. Naruto barely caught it, the unused dustpan grazing his-- well, Sasuke's shirt.

"Six minutes for what?" Naruto asked, half panicking half suspicious.

"To clean that debris," Sasuke said, pointing to the wall's remnants on the floor. "And cover the hole."

"What?!?! In six minutes? Are you a sadist?" Naruto screeched but Sasuke was already digging through the cabinets for something and completely ignoring him. "Why…how are we going to cover that huge hole on the wall?!? It isn't exactly your dick size--"

"My brother is in the elevator right now," Sasuke scowled, dead serious, "and if you think I'm bad, then you don't want to mess with the man who raised my ass."

Naruto stood there dumbfounded. Sasuke had an older brother? Was he raised by his older brother? Will his brother be this crap too? Will he be equally hot? So many questions, not enough guts to ask.

Sasuke threw a duster at Naruto with a deadly accuracy. "Hurry the hell up!"

He was giving Naruto a death glare so intense, the blond nodded and obligated.

Naruto paused, looking at the debris and dust on the floor. Then he glanced at the broom and dustpan in his hand.

"Sasuke how do I operate these…utensils?!?" Naruto said, he was back on panicked mode, a nervous wreck he is.

"What?!?" Sasuke yelped, whipping his head around at lightning speed. "Aren't you a prostitute/part-time janitor?? Swing it around or something, like... killing people or something."

"Oh? That I can do," Naruto huffed in excitement. He'll show Sasuke how he sweeps dead bodies off the streets.

Naruto was in the midst of cleaning the last bits of dust on the floor when he spotted Sasuke scampering out of the dark bedroom. Bundled in his arms was a thick, dark blue blanket that covered his whole body, leaving only the top of his duck ass hair poking out. Naruto assumed the blanket was from Sasuke's bed, but why would...

"Hold this side," Sasuke instructed, handing Naruto a little corner of the blanket to grab on. Curious, Naruto watched as Sasuke climbed a stool, a drill in one hand and blanket's corner in the other. He stood in front the hole, positioned the blanket high on the wall and drilled a nail through the mattress. If Naruto knew Sasuke for long enough, he knew the man's a genius. And it takes a genius to raise a genius. Meaning Sasuke's brother's intelligence is nowhere near the bottom of the food chain. In conclusion, Sasuke's plan to cover the hole with his blanket was completely child's play. Who was he planning to fool?

"Are you trying to cover that hole with a piece of fabric?" Naruto asked for reassurance.

"No shit, Sherlock!" Sasuke scowled, pushing Naruto aside so he can move the stool. He was halfway up the chair when he paused to snatched the corner of the blanket Naruto was holding.

"My bad, I meant Dr. _Watson_ ," Sasuke added mockingly, making sure to lift an offending eyebrow at Naruto before climbing on the stool.

Naruto gasped, stopping himself from kicking the chair and sending the bastard flying. Watson?

"Oh, me? Watson?!" Naruto hissed, crossing his arms defiantly like he's right. "I'm Watson because I'm always getting dragged into your stupid shit!"

Sasuke paused, turned away from his work to stare at Naruto in disbelief.

" _What_?" Sasuke asked, in disbelief, eyes wide as he climbed down the stool. " _I'm_ the one always dragging you into _'my stupid shit'_?"

Naruto averted his eyes, wondering if he really made a mistake starting this conversation. Why was Sasuke like this? The man gets so sensitive over everything.

"You know Naruto," Sasuke hissed, pinching the blonde's cheeks to get his attention back. "The number of people I _killed_ can't be _compared_ to the number of times you dragged my ass to hell."

Naruto scoffed, rolling his eyes and batting Sasuke's hand away. A stinging mark left on the skin of his cheeks.

"Then you obviously haven't killed many," Naruto denied, crossing his arms once again.

Sasuke raised a judging eyebrow, his lids droopy as he watched Naruto. The irony was strong in this one. Funny how Sasuke literally shoved his sniping rifles collection at Naruto's face, killed two men and burned them, have a gun accuracy better than a normal _civilian_ should. Yet Naruto brushed it off like he never saw anything. As if Sasuke wasted his time pouring water over a duck's head. Didn't it occur to Naruto that perhaps Sasuke is dangerous? Even as a bouncer, Naruto should know his limits and fear. Sasuke was an assassin, trained and hired at the age of seven to say. Naruto didn't stand a chance if Sasuke chose to deal with him seriously.

There was a brief vibration resonating through the building's top floor. It was all the indication they needed. Both shot each other a quick eye warning.

The elevator had reached its destination, bringing death with it.

Naruto abruptly threw the broom and dustpan behind Sasuke's armchair, diving in after it. The only place he could hide for a quick escape later.

Sasuke wasn't wasting any time kicking the stool back to its original spot. Stared at the drill in his hand before throwing it aside out of panic.

The flew open with so much force, it sent a small tremor down the floors. Five minutes and fifty-four seconds. Sasuke cursed the world, his calculations were six seconds off.

"Sasuke, I'm here!" Itachi yelled, eyes crazy as he scanned the apartment for anything amiss.

"I can see that," Sasuke said, sitting casually in his armchair, which just happened to be next to the hidden hole on the wall. He closed the book he was pretending to read, hoping Itachi wouldn't notice the letters were upside down.

Itachi straightened up and smoothened his dress shirt. Intending on fixing his image to a proper one to compensate for the sudden outburst. "Why hello, little brother."

A bit late for a proper greeting.

"What do you want, Itachi?" Sasuke spoke, feeling worn out as he sank into his armchair. The furniture rolling back and crushing Naruto who was hiding behind it. Sasuke felt a bit satisfied knowing he was in _some_ way torturing the blonde.

"I brought food," Itachi said simply, closing the front door with his foot as he headed to the kitchen. Such proper manners indeed.

Naruto grimaced at the weight of the chair, letting a little scowl slipped and Itachi immediately turned toward the noise. He was staring straight at Sasuke, who was stuck in shock.

"Sasuke...was that you?" Itachi interrogated, making a move to walk toward his little brother.

"Yes!" Sasuke said quickly, his hand out to prevent Itachi from approaching. "I... sat on a rock, my bad."

Sasuke pulled out a piece of debris from his back pocket and threw it aside. He gave his chair a hard kick, and at the same time, staring innocently back at the Itachi.

"Al... right..." Itachi said a bit cautious as he placed the food bag on the kitchen table and began pulling stuff out. "I got you cheap-and-taste-like-shit potato salad from Wal-Mart and bruised tomatoes that are five weeks old."

Itachi sounded quite proud but Sasuke could only groan, pushing himself up from his armchair. They were rich, why must Itachi keep torturing him like this. It's not like Sasuke can't call a nearby, delivery-friendly sushi place.

"But Itachi," Sasuke grumbled like a child as he sauntered over to the kitchen. "You _know_ I hate Wal-Mart's potato salad. Its taste is gruesome."

Itachi slammed the container on the counter, turning to look over his shoulders.

"Sasuke, how am I supposed to know it tasted _‘gruesome’_ if you are only telling me _now_ , it tasted like shit??"

Sasuke puffed his chest, rising to the challenge. "What do you mean you don't know?? You just called it 'cheap-and-taste-like-shit' potato salad."

Itachi massaged his temples in frustration, this was a long day and Sasuke made it longer than it needed to be.

" _Sasuke_. Do you know what else is shit?" Itachi accused, "your taste bud. That's why everything you eat tastes good. Your...fucking fetish with bruised, five weeks old tomatoes is disgusting. My house smells a giant rotten tomato because you store all your crap there."

Sasuke gasped, a small and offended one.

Alright, Itachi thought he might've gone a bit far with that last statement.

"You know what Itachi?" Sasuke said, backing up with a slightly hurt expression. "If you are not going to accept me for who I am, I do not see a reason why our names need to be under the same family registry."

"Good ridance, you're still on about that," Itachi muttered, "Sasuke, I've told you countless times, I do not care if you are bisexual or pansexual or tomato-sexual or gun-sexual or your neighbor-sexual---"

"What?!?! I never said I was gay!" Sasuke retorted, he felt extremely violated right now.

“I never said you were either—“ Itachi pointed out, but his words were ignored.

"Or neighbor-sexual," Sasuke added quickly, making sure he was loud enough so Naruto could hear.

Itachi placed his hands on his hips with an eyebrow arched.

"Are you saying those three years complaining about your loudmouth neighbor and how he was always singing some tune you fell asleep to and he liked talking to himself and you sending the pizza man to the wrong address on purpose when he was unusually quiet--"

Sasuke lunged for Itachi, but the older man had more years of experience with dodging than Sasuke did with bare hand attacking.

"I was so sure my baby brother is secretly married," Itachi continued to mock only to suddenly stop.

A flash of blue caught Itachi's attention and his neck snapped toward it.

"What is that?"

Sasuke watched in horror as Itachi strolled to the living room, where Naruto was.

"It's nothing, Itachi," Sasuke said quickly, pulling his brother back into the kitchen.

"Oh Sasuke," Itachi chuckled and shook his head. "When _you_ out of all people say it's _nothing_ , it's definitely _something_..."

Sasuke gulped, his brother knew him too well.

"You wet your bed didn't you?" Itachi exclaimed, smirking evilly as he pointed to the blue blanket on Sasuke's wall.

"How dare you accuse me of such vulgar practices!!" Sasuke screamed, lunging for the older man and failing again.

"Such amateur tactics, you washed your blanket thinking you could hide the evidence?" Itachi snickered, grabbing a wrinkly tomato from the bag and leaving Sasuke to regret life on the floor. "And _nailing_ it in? Is that a new kink of yours?"

"No, I..." Sasuke retorted, following his brother to the living room. "It's there to dry in the sun."

"Dry in the sun--" Itachi muttered, turning back to give Sasuke an odd stare. "Wouldn't it make sense to pull the curtains open?"

Sasuke paused, glaring into the void and thinking of nothing. He was done for.

"Don't you know, Itachi?" Sasuke bluffed, eyebrows raised as he stepped up to his brother. "It'll get discolored if you leave it out in the sun too long, the correct term is...air dry."

"Is that...so.," Itachi said slowly, expression deadly calm as he drew his handgun.

Sasuke eyed the gun, watching Itachi directed the weapon toward the armchair. Their eyes never left one another, silently challenging.

"Whoever is behind the chair," Itachi threatened, not turning away from Sasuke despite the gun pointing elsewhere. "Come out before I put a hole through your head."

Sasuke cursed. Naruto was a fucking wuss. An easy taunt and he'll jump for the bait. Sasuke could practically _feel_ Naruto's will dissolving.

"Don't--" Sasuke warned, staring Itachi down, but his words directing at Naruto.

His older brother raised an eyebrow, pulling the trigger agonizingly slow.

"Don't you dare raise a gun in _my_ house, Itachi, that’s my favorite chair," Sasuke growled, eyes fierce and firm.

Itachi's gaze never faltered, gluing and analyzing Sasuke's movements like a security camera. In the past, Sasuke never backed off from a staring contest and he wasn't going to start today. Except back then he didn't have fucks to give, nothing to hide. But now there was a half-naked hooligan, a hole on the wall, and wild squirrels with possible rabies, all in one time and one place. The stress was eating him from inside out.

"Hn..." Itachi grunted, withdrawing his gun and breaking eye contact. Instead, he glared down at the old tomato in his hand, and with a smirk, rolled it toward Sasuke's armchair. There was a pause in the air, no one moved nor say anything as the tomato stopped midway, not even near the armchair. Then they waited. For what, Sasuke had no idea. Was Itachi expecting the crusty tomato to magically lure out a rat (aka Naruto) with its rotten appearance?

The wrinkly tomato stood in its spot. Unmoving and untouched. For three full seconds in silence.

Then he couldn't take it anymore. The young Uchiha let out a mental groan, an indication Itachi was overstaying his welcome.

Not that he was welcomed, to begin with.

As if on cue, the Itachi straightened up. "Perhaps I am being paranoid," Itachi said, looking arrogantly toward the direction of Sasuke's room, eyeing it with suspicion.

 _Yes. Go in there_. Sasuke might as well lock Itachi in the room and starve him to death while Naruto gets out. Foolproof plan. It'll work.

"Baby bro, you are biting your pinky," Itachi pointed out, face full of suspicion. "What evil deeds are you up to now?"

Sasuke gulped. His old habits of biting his pinky while strategizing were coming back. Now out of all times, the world must hate him.

" _Ohh_ , I have so much to hide in my room. My brother can't _possibly_ see such indecency," Sasuke baited with as much tone as he can but his voice simply came out flat and sarcastic.

Itachi chuckled wickedly, "I'm going in."

Sasuke followed behind, knowing his brother was only intelligent on the cover.

"You're as cuddly and harmless as a teddy bear," Itachi said out of nowhere, head whipping around the room and checking it out. "The _worst_ you can do is shoot me and not get arrested for it."

Sasuke glowered, watching as the older man entered the darkness. Itachi had his back facing him. Vulnerable.

With a blank face, Sasuke closed the bedroom door, leaving the squirrels to deal with the rest.

"Sasuke?" A faint voice of Itachi's, barely audible through the closed door.

Sasuke held onto the knob, keeping it in place so Itachi can't pull the door open. He hissed, silently calling for Naruto. The blond head poked out seconds later, looking half curious and half frightened out of his ass.

"What do I do??" Naruto mouthed silently from across the room.

Sasuke hoped one day people will understand what it was like having a moron as a neighbor. Naruto can't be seriously asking 'what to do' in a life and death situation. Sasuke's thinning frustration can't be put into existing words.

The doorknob jiggled from the other side and accompanied with a tug. Sasuke immediately tightened his grip, soon his strength alone won't be able to hold back Itachi. After all, his older had a gun while Sasuke had the burden of Naruto.

His head gestured for Naruto to get out as quietly he could. The blond in turn, nodded, bringing his foot up to tiptoed the hell out of life. But the luck of the world preferred so otherwise. Naruto had barely a step when a loud gunshot was fired. Then multiple more and Sasuke had immediately dove for safety. The doorknob to his bedroom shot right out of its hole.

"Run!!" Sasuke roared toward Naruto's direction.

No need for the advice, Naruto was already bolting for the door. Never had he ran so fast to save his own ass. Never.

Speaking of ass, where did the wrinkly five weeks old tomato--

"Naruto!!!"

Was the last thing he heard before his feet stepped on a round and slippery object. Naruto's weight immediately smashed the tomato; red juice splattering everywhere as he slid on it, losing balance.

"You fucking fool!!!" Sasuke yelled.

Naruto had no idea how people in movies have time to rethink life while they fall to their death. All he managed was to form a plan to obliterate Sasuke's existence from this universe. Every molecule, every evidence, every memory, every, shitty atom of Sasuke. He'll start with his blood relatives. That Itachi plotted this from the very beginning. The tomato was cleverly placed and Naruto **_fell_** for it. No pun intended.

His back and butt landed on the ground with a thump. He managed a small scream before closing his eyes and lying completely still. The impact so painful, he almost fainted for the sake of numbing life. In fact, why doesn't Naruto do just that? Play dead and the storm will pass.

"Naruto."

It was Sasuke's voice. It sounded too husky and near.

 _Go away_.

"I know you're awake."

_No, I'm not._

"If you're going to die, do it in your own apartment."

_Fucker._

His blue eyes peeked open, staring at Sasuke who was hovering just above him. He was crouching there and watching Naruto suffer. He was tempted to ask Sasuke whether he called the coffin service or not.

"You alright?" Sasuke asked, reaching out to poke Naruto softly in the cheeks for a response.

"Ow..." He groaned in reply. "It feels like I fell off a cliff and _survived_."

Sasuke nodded dutifully. If Naruto could still talk, he was _fine_. "Hn. Any last words?"

Naruto swallowed, the slight action sending pain shooting down his spine and tailbone.

"Fuck...you.." Naruto wheezed, gasping for air in large gulps and continued. "And... I never told you this...but I've always thought...you looked hot...sniping..."

Quite the confession if Sasuke dared say. The nerve of his neighbor, making this moment sound more dramatic than it was.

  * •



They were trapped in their own world, staring eye to eye for as long as time existed. Itachi wasn't sure if it was proper to interrupt whatever this moment of...mesmerizing eye fucking was. Then he remembered he was the one with the gun.

"Mind introducing me?" Itachi interfered smugly, walking closer to get a clear view of Sasuke's...visitor. He pointed the gun at the stranger. Blond, blue eyes but the most noticeable traits would be the scars on his face. It screamed familiar.

"Hi, I'm Uzakichi Naruto," the blond greeted, surprising everyone by sitting up and grabbing Itachi's free hand to shake it. "Sasuke's neighbor for three years. _Just neighbors_."

Even his name rang a tiny bell.

Despite all, Itachi shook his hand and greeted back, "Uchih---"

"---yama," Sasuke quickly cut in, "Uchiyama Itachi, my older brother."

Naruto nodded, hands folded on his chest as he let himself fall back. Sasuke was quick, placing an arm under Naruto to soften his fall.

A gentle gesture.

" _Just_ neighbors indeed," Itachi snickered.

"An acquaintance, I barely know him," Sasuke retorted, carefully placing Naruto's head on the floor.

"Of course," Itachi said, eyebrows raised. " Why is he wearing a full outfit from your closet?"

"Actually,” Naruto spoke up from the floor, index finger pointing. "I'm not wearing an underwear--"

"Naruto," Sasuke said with his lips tightened. "Shut your dumb ass up before you get us killed."

"You're right, sleep is calling me," Naruto said quickly and shut his eyes.

"He's..." Sasuke coughed, buying time to find an excuse. "A..neighbor."

Itachi nodded. Unamused.

"..Who needed to borrow some clothes, nothing more," Sasuke continued.

"Then why," Itachi sighed, "is there pumpkin scented shampoo in your bathroom? An orange toothbrush beside your _own_ blue one? _Your_ towel on the floor soaked in someone _else's_ scent."

Sasuke closed his eyes, wanting to cringe but refrained from doing so. How could he be so careless?

"Not to mention," Itachi continued. "A black shirt and orange boxers in your _whites only_ hamper. Hmm, I'm _quite_ curious who it belongs to."

_Well then._

Itachi smirked and glared down at Sasuke. "Is the reason you're washing your sheets, baby brother? _Rough night_...perhaps?"

Technically, Itachi wasn't entirely..incorrect. Sasuke remembered _last night_ , a foot in his face, five more squirrels’ bites, junk food, arguing, getting kicked in the face, more bickering, Naruto's feet having a _'muscle spasm'_ , being kicked off the couch, Naruto's toes slipping under his shirt because it was, _'cold'_ , in the apartment.

Whatever Sasuke's answer might be, Itachi will take it the wrong way. He had officially given up. There was no possibility of winning here. Might as well confess about the hole on the wall, the humiliation of living in his neighbor's apartment and having his credit card stolen right under his nose. He'll get ridiculed for it but the good thing is, so will Naruto.

Naruto, who must have sense Sasuke's confidence dropped. Decided to open his eyes despite no one asking him to do so. With shaky hands, he placed it on Sasuke's knee, resting it there comfortably.

"If.." Naruto said softly, his eyes half lidded like he was going to fall into a graceful slumber. "You're going for social suicide.."

He paused, inhaling deeply. Both Sasuke and Itachi waited for Naruto to finish. The silence stretched, however. They suspected the blond went back to sleep with his eyes open.

"...just," Naruto said after a while. "Don't..drag me...down with you..."

Sasuke opened his mouth to retort but Naruto had closed his eyes. Intending to fake his sleep through the drama. Then at that moment, Sasuke noticed something he never did in his three years of them being neighbors. Naruto's eyelashes are blond to the roots. They sometimes speak to each other in Japanese and Sasuke just _assumed_ Naruto dyed his hair blond. He didn't know much about Naruto's past and vice versa. He knew the Naruto who was his neighbor since his first day here, but that was it.

"Indeed," Sasuke replied flatly as he glared up at his brother. "Rough night."

Itachi faltered. His eyes flitted to the blonde's neck. Bruised marks that obviously matched Sasuke's hand's size. Fingerprints. It was quite fresh and deep. Then he zoomed onto Sasuke's exposed arms and the skin above his V-neck collar. Five, prominent, bright red pink marks. Their colors matching the blond boy's lips. Goodness gracious.

"Well," Itachi said, turning away. "My soul has been tainted. I am leaving to have it purify."

It was all it took. Itachi left as quickly as he came, slipping out of the front door like he never seen or discover anything. Who would blame him? Sasuke also wanted to forget he ever met Naruto.

"I feel stupid," Naruto said, cracking his eyes open when he knew for sure Itachi was gone. "I should've run through the hole, what was I thinking running for the door?"

Sasuke shrugged. Naruto's golden eyelashes plaguing his mind.

"You know.." Naruto hummed meaningfully as they stayed rooted to their spot. "Your brother is kind of hot."

Sasuke was silent. Then, Naruto was silent. The apartment, itself was silent. No sound, no movement. Just tension.

Naruto wanted to get up and bury himself six feet under, but his back rendered him useless.

Sasuke was the first to speak up in a flat voice. He slipped his arms under Naruto body. "I'm going to pour bleach over my head to erase whatever bullshit just came out of your mouth."

Good idea. Naruto might as well pour some bleach over his existence, too and pretended Sasuke never came into his life.

A grunt and Naruto felt arms looped carefully beneath his frame. It took effort but Sasuke eventually managed to gather Naruto securely in his hold and lifted him off the floor.

At this point, Naruto was loving the feel of being in Sasuke's arms. So warm, so human, so trained to shoot a gun, so fucking deadly. It gave him a sense of being carried on the edge of a cliff. Any moment, Naruto could die if he taunted Sasuke wrongly. Living life on the line, literally, was a turn-on Naruto will never admit.

Sasuke was muttering something under his breath as they pushed the blanket aside to go through the hole.

"What was that?" Naruto said, eyebrows raised. He didn't hear it but he _felt_ the insult.

"I said," Sasuke repeated. His face smudged with a small smirk as he glanced down at Naruto. "Who needs to work out when you have to carry your fat neighbor around, am I right?"

Naruto gave him a glare but couldn't hold in his laughter. The joke was funny Naruto supposed. Sasuke had a sense of humor. But Naruto had seen better. _Is_ better.

"You're right," he smiled, wiping away a fake tear. "Who needs a job when they got their rich neighbor's credit card, _am I right_?"

Sasuke's face grew grim. The regret and pain were still apparently fresh.

"Are you injured enough to spend a night at the hospital?" Sasuke asked, looking ahead, wanting to bite his pinkie but can't. "Because if not, I can help--"

"Call the hospital and I will single-handedly burn all of your guns," Naruto spat, face in a scowl. If there were a day where Naruto gets thrown into a civilian hospital and must tell them he cracked his spine slipping on a rotten tomato. He'll just die and spare himself the torture. And he knew Sasuke knew this.

"Touch my babies and I swear you'll be injured enough to be sent to a funeral home," Sasuke scowled.

Despite the remarks, Sasuke still placed Naruto on the orange couch as gently as he could. Good to say Naruto and his back survived the three feet fall. His head...not so much.

Sasuke went back to unscrew his blanket from the wall and cleaned the smashed tomato. Their life casually returning to its regular schedules.

Naruto reached over the coffee table and grabbed his phone. Dialing his work place and waited. The sun was slowly setting over the city with orange and light purples, he'll be glad to have some dinner soon.

Ino picked up the phone in two rings. It surprised him a bit, usually, she'd do so in three.

"Calling off work, my neighbor's gay for me and tried to rid of the evidence; me to be precise," Naruto said, chuckling and staring at Sasuke through the hole. The man looked hot pretending he wasn't listening to Naruto's phone conversation.

"Yes, yes," Naruto sighed, resisting the urge to roll his eyes. "The world can't rotate without the great Naruto."

From this distance, he saw Sasuke visibly scoffed.

"Effect my paycheck? I don't even have--"

Just like that, Ino hung up. And here he thought Sasuke was the one with the attitude.

Naruto threw his phone onto the table, knocking down an empty can of Coca-Cola that he couldn't be bothered to pick up. Not like his back will allow him.

Naruto was bored. Easily.

"Is it true," Naruto said suddenly, remembering what Itachi had said. "That you're as cuddly and harmless as a teddy bear?"

Three years and you think you'd know a man. Naruto knew Sasuke is a cuddly teddy bear. He wasn't so _keen_ on the word _'harmless'_ however.

The raven simply glanced over with an eyebrow raised. Then proceeded to dump the debris in the dustpan away, completely ignoring Naruto.

"Can I call you, Berry?" Naruto snickered, but Sasuke had his hearings off or something.

"How about Cuddly-bear?"

No reaction. Sasuke simply folding the blanket and placing it neatly on his dark couch.

"Sasu-bear?" Naruto asked sweetly, watching Sasuke walked over the hole.

The raven paused to deeply inhaled. Then exhaled a bunch of carbon dioxide into the air. He stood in front of the TV, blocking it as he faced Naruto.

"No. No. And how about _fucking_ , no," Sasuke finalized and leaning down to pick up the can of cola Naruto knocked down. He crushed it in his hand and proceeded to throw it in the trash.

It was an indication.

Naruto hummed knowingly, "So you like Sasu-bear."

"Naruto," Sasuke said, turning to face him. "I like it when we're both _nameless_."

Last Sasuke remembered, Naruto never gave birth to him, the blond had no authority over his name.

"So..."

Of course. How could Sasuke forget? Shutting up wasn't one of Naruto's options.

"...you're neighbor-sexual, hm?" Naruto teased, a suggestive smirk, and Sasuke was not falling for it.

"Uzakichi, let me just warn you," Sasuke scowled, grabbing Naruto's legs and throwing it aside to sit down. "I didn't go to work today."

Naruto blinked. Sasuke was a workaholic. Gas prices have gone up. Dubai got the world's tallest building. What was the big deal?

"If this is not enough context for you," Sasuke continued. "It means, you're going to see Satan early if you keep running that mouth of yours."

They were neighbors for three years. Naruto knew Sasuke didn’t have the balls to _kill_ anything. Except for the two intruders, but those were special occasions, Naruto liked to think. Sasuke can't _possibly_ be a crazy, blood thirsty maniac who was obsessed with sniping and putting bullets through human's flesh.

"Is it true," he asked again and Sasuke closed his eyes in frustration, he needed to be psychologically prepared for Naruto's idiocy. Itachi broke Sasuke's mentality pretty bad. To be _very_ honest, he had no idea how they survived and managed to kick his brother out. 

"You have a thing for five weeks old tomatoes?"

Sasuke rubbed his temples and slumped on the couch.

Naruto's legs slyly propped on Sasuke's lap without him noticing.

"It's a form of torture," Sasuke said, looking ahead at nothing in particular. Must be reminiscing about his sweet past. He had a soft expression on "Having Itachi live in a house smelling like a rotten tomato is every child's dream."

Naruto hummed. That he could relate to. Then remembered the wretched fruit was the cause of his current condition. He grumbled and kicked Sasuke in the thigh, effective in earning a groan from the other man.

This was it. Sasuke was done playing nice. Done playing doctor. Done playing the docile roommate. He couldn't take the abuse any longer. Sasuke didn't plan ahead but he reached under Naruto's calves anyway and pinched the skin there. It was all muscle and more of a reason it'll hurt more.

Naruto screeched and thrashed about, throwing his foot everywhere and smacked Sasuke squared under his jaw. So much for being an injured patient.

"Fuck!!" Sasuke growled, managing to trap one Naruto's foot under his arm and began cracking his toes.

"Woah, feels kind of nice," Naruto cooed, a moment of bliss cut short when Sasuke made it to his big toe and cracked it.

He shrieked again, raining kick down on Sasuke's arms with his free foot.

"Oww!" Sasuke retorted, pinching behind Naruto's thigh, where it hurt the most.

The fighting continued for the rest of the evening. Nonstop kicking. Nonstop screaming. Nonstop pinching.

Itachi might assume a different scenario, but Sasuke wasn't lying when he said they have rough nights. Bruises and all.

••••••

End of **Chapter 2 : Deadly Aim**

••••••

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Believe it or not, this does have a plot. Or in my connotations, an ending. So you guys don't need to worry about this being an endless story continuing simply because it is?
> 
> I love you guys.
> 
> August 30, 2016 18:23


	3. Tables Turned

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> July 2, 2017, 17:49
> 
> I'll spare you guys the torture and stop switching POVs so often.

••••••••••••••••

 ** Chapter 3 ** **:Tables Have Turned  
**

Naruto wasn't accustomed to having another presence in his apartment, sharing the same space, breathing the same air. It was frustrating, having a roommate whose footsteps purposely abuse Naruto's eardrums every waking and sleeping hours.

At six in the morning, Sasuke, a neighbor and roommate, was deliberately making an insufferable ruckus. Either to annoy Naruto or to taunt him enough so he'll wake up and put his knives to use and get put behind bars for the rest of his blossoming life.

Naruto tried squeezing his eyes shut in hope of catching a few more hours of sleep. Too bad having his eyelids closed cancel sight, not hearing.

Sasuke was persistent also. Banging sticks and bones together. Rustling plastic bags. Creaking metal doors opening and closing. Wind whistling sixty stories up. Rain splattering against the glass windows. A storm was brewing both inside and out. Naruto didn't have much patience to begin with. He soon found himself grouchily sitting up. His frame tired and legs aching with bruises. And his back, oh, his back was going to murder him.

His eyes scanned the room for Sasuke. Apartment bright and colorful, no gloomy kid in sight. Naruto grumbled when he had to turn around to check behind the sofa. Far off, he spotted a hazy figure (or maybe it was his sleep deprived eyesight) by the window.

Sasuke had dressed in all black once again. Casual shorts and long sleeves. He was looking out at the city beneath. Or the dim sun and gray sky beyond. Whatever he was doing, Naruto didn't care for.

In fact, he was taken back by the plastic bag Sasuke was holding in his left hand. It was empty and weightless and Sasuke was swinging it around. Possibly with no purpose other than to make annoying rustling noises. And his right hand was placed on one of the many small glass panels that made up the overall wall.

He was unfastening the little window's lock, pushing the glass open to let the wind in, then proceeding to close it. Hence, the creaking metal sound Naruto heard earlier. He repeated the process once again as Naruto sat and tried to remember the telephone number for the nearby mental hospital. Sasuke needed therapy right this instant.

"Sasuke, are you feeling alright?" Naruto asked warily, concerned for his own safety. He was fully awake and examining the other male carefully.

Sasuke turned. Slow and unsteady. His movements lagging and his shoulders sagging. Naruto held his breath at the sight. If Sasuke looked pale from Itachi's visit yesterday, he was now pale enough to camouflage in the snow. His eye bags and the visible blood vessel weren't helping with his appearance. His cheeks were hollow. Hair no longer perky. He looked like he lost his soul, went to hell to get it back, and didn't succeed.

"Oh, Sasuke," Naruto said, jumped off the couch to approach his neighbor.

"You look dead," Naruto pointed out, his hand coming up to grab Sasuke's face in a grip.

"I am dead," Sasuke replied. Didn't even fight when Naruto turned him right and left to examine the damage. "I'm mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically, sexually dead."

"All five?" Naruto asked in concern. They can't have him sexually dead. No, they can't.

Sasuke only groaned in frustration at the question and continued with his earlier activity. Fluffing a plastic bag and sticking his arm out the window to feel the depressing rain. He didn’t fight back nor reply. The situation was getting worrisome.

Naruto glanced around, panic in his eyes. This didn't happen enough for him to know how to fix it. In fact, it never happened until today.

"Sasuke, baby, do you want me to get your rifle?" Naruto asked, staring at Sasuke. Who was too immersed in the gray sky to care about anything else.

Naruto didn't wait for an answer. He ran to Sasuke's apartment, jumping over the hole with ease despite yesterday's injury. Three years and he never managed to find where Sasuke stashed his weapons. But he did figure Sasuke had one hidden beneath his couch. It was relatively easy to find, considering Naruto had a sword under his own.

Naruto pulled out a surprisingly long rifle. Pristine black with a scope. He bet Sasuke makes his guests sit on the floor to preserve the rifle’s shape. Couldn't imagine the recoil nor the strength this thing had.

"Here," Naruto said, scrambling back to Sasuke and showing him the gun. "Your favorite."

Sasuke looked briefly at it. Dead eyes running along the gun's length before sighing deeply. He looked, once again, into the far distance.

"What's the point of a gun if there's no one to kill," Sasuke grumbled. A child sulking and Naruto couldn’t stand it.

"Don't give me that attitude!" Naruto yelled, ripping the plastic bag out of Sasuke's hands. Then proceeded to shove the rifle into Sasuke's chest, forcing the man to take it.

"Don't you dare say the only joy you get from a gun is killing," Naruto shouted. Slapping Sasuke across the shoulders to snap him out of it. "You should respect your privileges. Using a gun comes with **_responsibilities_**!"

Sasuke stood there. Quiet and unresponsive. Naruto was taken back. He was ready for a fight to break out but Sasuke remained docile. This was strange. This was awkward. This was wrong.

"Is that the reason why you don't use guns? Responsibilities?" Sasuke asked, expressionless despite having been slapped. Improvements. They could work on it.

Naruto opted to ignore the question in favor of pulling Sasuke arm away from the window and out of the rain. His entire arm was cold, wet and Naruto proceeded to wipe it onto Sasuke's dry clothes.

Sasuke was staring. He looked like he had a complaint to make, but he didn't voice it out loud. Another factor Naruto considered odd and worrisome.

"Naruto," Sasuke said, still holding onto his gun, "you healed awfully fast."

"Not really," Naruto replied, crumbling the plastic bag into a ball and threw it aside.

"Can I sneak in a shot," Sasuke asked bluntly, raising his gun. His eyes held no remorse or anything relatively similar.

"No!" Naruto retorted immediately and took a glance at Sasuke's gun. The deadly rifle looked like it could fire from one continent to another and still kill. Forget it being this close,

"Give me that,” Naruto said quickly and with panic as he snatched the rifle back. He held the rifle close to his chest. Not knowing what to do as Sasuke sighed and went back to staring at the saddening sky. Naruto no longer felt safe inside this shit hole of an apartment. Not with guns and weapons taunting his psychotic neighbor like this.

Naruto didn't know what to do to make Sasuke sane, let alone feel better. When push comes to shove, Naruto found himself dialing Itachi's number with Sasuke's phone.

"What Sasuke, I already said I forgot everything--" Itachi voice was clear and quick.

Naruto cut him off out of desperation, "It's me Naruto, there's an emergency concerning your little brother."

"Is he dead?" Itachi asked.

Naruto frowned, pulled the phone away from his ear to look at the screen.

"No, he isn't--" Naruto said, bringing the phone back to his ear.

"Then it isn't an emergency," Itachi pointed out. They were all bastards, left and right.

"No, it is," Naruto scowled. He was tired of getting ignored and cut off. "Sasuke is out of it. His job has been giving him days off and he needs to kill a living person this minute. I'm the only walking human in the vicinity and I'm bound to be his next fucking victim if you don't help me do something about it."

Naruto was out of breath after whining the sentence. Panting into the phone as he sneaked a glance at Sasuke every now and then. Still crazy no matter how many times turned back in hope of finding a sane Sasuke.

"He lied when he said he doesn’t go into withdrawals anymore," Itachi murmured, more to himself than Naruto.

“I think it’s contagious because I’m about to lose it at this rate,” Naruto grumbled, silently begging for help.

Itachi hummed, "He did love hiking when he was little. It might help"

"We're in New York City, there is no mountain--" Naruto retorted.

"I am fully aware of your location," Itachi cut in as if he can't afford to remember what happened yesterday. "Drive to Pennsylvania or something and loosen up."

"That's a long drive for one hike," Naruto said, frowning in distaste.

"Camping is a bonus," Itachi mentioned, ignoring Naruto once again.

"I can't afford to take days off," Naruto said quickly. "I'll go into a withdrawal too and if we're both crazy--"

"Don't worry about that. Take a break, Uzumaki, the company is currently dealing with some issues," Itachi said, didn't wait for Naruto to express his confusion before hanging up.

Naruto stopped breathing for a second. Tried to collect his thoughts as quickly as he could. Itachi knew Naruto's last name. Said it as if they were old acquaintances. Who the hell was Sasuke’s brother? From the way Itachi spoke about the company irked Naruto. Like he knew about it more than Naruto did. And he hadn't heard of any trouble.

Naruto called Ino for confirmation. Too impatient to wait for the company to notify him themselves.

"Yes, it's true," Ino replied over the phone, "all the employees are on break. There seemed to be a problem going on within the night shift's executive branch."

"Did it hurt to tell me a bit earlier?" Naruto scowled, Sasuke's problem forgotten. He never liked the leaders of the night shift. They were all talk and no show. Naruto didn't even know what they looked like despite working here for seven years. In fact, he didn't know how many were in charge; only that he hated them. He showed his dissatisfaction by refusing to follow their orders. Went about it his own way.

"You never asked--"

Naruto hung up. Pocketed his phone in anger. When he turned back to look at Sasuke, the man had somehow managed to fit his head out the window and is now trying to do so with his broad shoulders.

"That's it!" Naruto screamed, running over to pull Sasuke back in before he could attempt suicide, or worse, catch a cold.

"Dry yourself," Naruto said, handing Sasuke a towel while he ran to pack their bags.

Sasuke sat still, solemn with dripping hair and a towel over his head. He didn't seem like he was going to function properly anytime soon.

"Must I do everything," Naruto murmured under his breath. While he was drying Sasuke's head, he got caught up trying to straighten the hair sticking out back. Naruto, a killer, a murderer, an assassin, had to help dry another grown up's hair because the man couldn't do it himself. Naruto wasn't sure how much longer he'll last.

Sasuke didn't talk much. Didn't react either. There were no insults and it felt awfully lonely packing two bags. One for Naruto and the other for Sasuke. When asked to help, Sasuke groaned and curled himself into a ball on the floor. Avoiding responsibility and work it seemed.

Not knowing what food to bring, Naruto filled a whole bag with instant noodles and water bottles. Didn't forget to bring a pot and plastic eating utensils like last time.

The previous, and only camping trip he went on, it was with Jiraiya and there was a plausible excuse to not go back. They lost the food bag in a river and had to survive off plants. Animals were harder to catch than televisions liked to portray. Not to mention neither had any knowledge of botany and ate according to their instinct in what looked safe and what didn't. This time, he borrowed a book on plants from Sasuke's shelf, just in case. Naruto was glad he survived hell and came back alive. It didn't kill him, but it did traumatize him enough to kill him.

"Do it for Sasuke, do it for Sasuke," Naruto chanted. The phrase useless as it didn't work to motivate him. So, he focused on the reward instead. Whatever that might be.

"Alright, Sasuke, we're going," Naruto declared, dragging an unwilling Sasuke along.

"No, I want to die here, in my home," Sasuke retorted when Naruto threw a pair of boots at him.

"You mean _my_ home," Naruto corrected, pinning Sasuke down with his weight as he forced the boots onto his feet. It was proving to be difficult the more Sasuke grew adamant on waiting for death to take him. And for some reason, it had to be in Naruto's apartment and on the tattered orange couch.

"I'm not going!!" Sasuke yelled. He was holding tight onto the door frame. His grip persistent and surprisingly strong. Naruto had three large bags strapped to his body and it wasn't making the situation any easier. Good thing Sasuke was sleep deprived and in a withdrawal; otherwise, Naruto wouldn't have made it as far as they are now.

"This is not up for discussion," Naruto retorted a little too loudly. Not like they had neighbors to care. Or so he hoped.

"We're going to have a great time," Naruto lied, his voice wavering. He was stuck between the door and Sasuke, trying to pry the bastard's hands off the frame.

"Well, I'm having a mighty fine time in the apartment," Sasuke retorted. His mouth said one thing, his eyes said melancholic depression.

Naruto proceeded to punch the stubbornness out of him. With his fist. Up Sasuke's jaw.

"This is getting ridiculous," Naruto scowled. He pushed the staggering Sasuke onto the floor and straddled him.

"Listen up," Naruto said, raising his fist within Sasuke's view. "You're going to comply from this second on."

Sasuke opened his mouth to yell, but Naruto shut him up by pulling out a short knife he had hidden under his jacket.

"My patience is running low," Naruto continued, holding the knife close. "I'll drag your corpse's ass to the mountain and go camping with it even if it kills us both. Got it?"

"Emotional speech," Sasuke commented, his eyes were casual, as if Naruto wasn't sitting on him with added weight from the three large bags. "But why are you hard?"

Naruto's face tilted down almost instantly. His eyes were wide as he checked his crotch. No tent. Sasuke was lying through his teeth again--

The action was quick and Naruto didn't have time to react when Sasuke shove him off and stole the knife right out of his hands.

"Little bastard!" Naruto yelled, tried grabbing for the thief but Sasuke rolled out of the way with practiced ease. Not to mention, Naruto's mobility was reduced due to the three bags he was carrying. By the time he managed to stand up straight, Sasuke had the knife up and ready and Naruto was not going to risk getting closer. He didn't know what this unstable Sasuke was capable of.

They had a prolonged staring contest. At the same time, Sasuke free hand was twisting the apartment's doorknob.

Naruto hadn't had the time to lock it and could only watch as Sasuke freely enter. His back never vulnerable, his knife still held firm, his eyes never blinking.

Once Sasuke was in deep enough, he threw the knife flimsily on the floor and slammed the front door in Naruto's face. He was quick to lock the door too because Naruto hurt himself thinking it'll open easy.

"Sasuke! I swear!" Naruto yelled, ready to kick down the door but remembered he had a bad leg. With the gunshot and all, he wasn't going to abuse it any more than he already did. So, he dropped his luggage and Sasuke's. Got ready to body slam the door open. Then halted himself because he remembered last night's incident and decided his back wasn't in the mood for strenuous activities either.

He had a gun for fuck's sake. What was he trying to accomplish putting his body in danger? All it took was two loud shot and the door handle was off and hanging. He said door handle because it was Sasuke's door Naruto shot at. Maybe this time he can convince Sasuke to get doorknobs instead, they were more conventional.

"Sasuke!" He called, kicking the door open and jumping into the scene. He expected a game of hide and seek, or at least a fight to the death. It was neither.

Sasuke was back at it again with the disturbing activities. He was by Naruto's fireplace. He had in his both his hands...a bone each. It seemed as if he was comparing the two, immersed but Naruto cut his fun short.

"Are those human's bones?" Naruto intruded, hurrying across both apartments to reach Sasuke. The man didn't answer but Naruto had seen enough to guess so himself.

The bones were pale white. Its length suggested it was previously an arm or a child's leg. Since there would be absolutely no reason to find the latter in his fireplace, Naruto assumed it _was_ an arm. Precisely, it might have belonged to the two intruders who came here a few days back. It seemed only one part of their body survived. Two identical, undamaged bone. Not at all suspicious. 

"Why wasn't it incinerated with the rest of their bodies," Naruto murmured, snatching a bone from Sasuke's grasp. He was examining it closer now, there wasn't one blemish. It was never damaged. As if never thrown in the fire.

"Perhaps your furnace isn't strong enough," Sasuke replied. The arrogance was clear in his voice as he yanked the bone out of Naruto's hands.

"I have the latest model installed," Naruto retorted, as a matter of fact.

Sasuke didn't reply, shaking his head in disappointment as he headed over to his own apartment. One of the bone was thrown harshly into Sasuke's fireplace. The man had no respect for the dead. Naruto figured as much, since Sasuke didn't have much respect for the living to begin with.

The metal doors were then closed and Sasuke wasted no time turning the knob to max temperature. He did so without preheating the engine and it could be in danger of exploding any minute now.

"Are we going to stand here and watch a bone burn?" Naruto asked, five feet away from both Sasuke and the fireplace.

The Sasuke didn't answer. He was too immersed in watching the fire do its destructive magic to care. Naruto took it as a 'yes'.

The wait will take hours. But Naruto can rest because Sasuke wasn't acting as suicidal as earlier.

"We're still going on that trip just so you know," Naruto mentioned loudly, but Sasuke was all eyes and no ears.

Naruto didn't get a chance to rest on Sasuke's couch. The fire was already turned off, doors were reopening, and Sasuke was reaching in.

"Stop!" Naruto screamed, springing into action and tackling Sasuke before the idiot could burn his entire hand.

"What are you doing?" Naruto yelled. They were both on the ground but Sasuke landed with his face kissing the wooden floor.

"I should be asking you that," Sasuke grumbled, pushing himself up and effectively ridding Naruto off his back while he was at it.

"I saved your life. You won't be able to snipe with burnt hands," Naruto said. He was getting up himself and ready to pounce if Sasuke decided to act stupid once again.

"I am wearing an oven mitt," Sasuke replied, raising the hand that wasn't holding the other bone. It was indeed protected with thick cooking gloves. Naruto didn't see that earlier. Must have been the angle.

Needless, Naruto snatched the oven mitt out of Sasuke's hand and smacked him in the face with it.

"Let the adult do the work," Naruto warned as he put on the oven mitt to remove the bone himself. Wouldn't trust Sasuke to do it even if he was offered a lifetime supply of instant noodles.

To Naruto's surprise, Sasuke's furnace was clean. Too clean, with only a bone placed in the middle. White. Pristine. Naruto reached inside the fireplace and immediately found it was a bad idea. The air was burning and as quick as he dug his hand in, he did so pulling out. The bone secured in his palm.

"That's odd," he snickered, observing the bone. "Looked like your furnace is no better than mine."

There wasn't one blemish. When Naruto looked up, Sasuke was already at the scene, staring intently at the bone. Naruto could tell he was twitching to hold it but knew it'll burn him breathless. Sasuke at least had some common sense left in him.

"This way," Sasuke said, grabbing Naruto by the wrist and carefully avoiding the scorching bone. Naruto was led to the kitchen where Sasuke held his hand and the bone beneath the faucet. 

"The oven mitt is going to get wet," Naruto mentioned, but the water was already running on 'Cold'. There was steam coming off the bone and the moment it was cool enough to touch, Sasuke snatched it back.

"What is with your fixation on these stupid bones?" Naruto grumbled, not sure whether he was weirded out by the invincible bone or Sasuke holding it up to the light for examination.

Sasuke didn't answer, instead opted to use Naruto's shirt to dry the bone.

Naruto let him, but not before letting out a long sigh.

"If you're that curious, it would be better to leave it to the professionals," Naruto suggested, throwing the soaked oven mitt into the sink.

"Conventional, but not ideal," Sasuke said, turning his back to walk away from the sink.

"Of course, it is ideal," Naruto retorted, hot after his tail. "You know bat shit about osteology."

"I was talking about your doorknobs," Sasuke said, grabbing his keys from the high wall.

Naruto spent a few minutes afterward trying to recall whether they had a conversation about the doorknobs or not. They didn't. Naruto never got a chance to tell Sasuke how much he despised him and his door handles.

"I don't need to hear to see your grimace whenever you touch a door handle," Sasuke said, jiggling the keys in front of Naruto's face as if taunting him.

"What?" Naruto snapped, batting the keys away.

"Drive," Sasuke stated, opening Naruto's hand and forcing the keys into it. "I am in no condition to do so."

"Right," Naruto mumbled, "listen, you drive an automatic, right? I don't know how to drive one."

Sasuke stood there for a second. His eyes were droopy and dull like the first day they met. And the first day they met was also the day Sasuke lost his soul. Naruto tended to have that effect on people.

"Naruto." He said. Voice calm and sturdy.

"If you can drive a manual, you can drive an automatic," Sasuke said slowly. Nodding his head to emphasize certain words, possibly because he thought Naruto couldn’t understand. Naruto _understood_ alright. Understood the fact that Sasuke was asking to square up.

"Who are you to tell me what I can and can't drive," Naruto yelled, pushing at Sasuke's chest. "If I say I can't, then I can't."

Sasuke stumbled but was quick to jump right back into Naruto's personal space. The fire in his eyes was lit briefly.

"I know what you're trying to do, pretending you can't drive an automatic," Sasuke accused, pointing with the bone because both of his hands were occupied. "I'm not letting your destructive, soul-murdering presence near my Porsche."

Naruto crunched his hands into fists due to frustration and shot right back, "alright, that was too far. I didn't even know you own two cars."

"Well, now you do and my car is in danger because you know," Sasuke said, blinking once.

"Sasuke, no one is out to get your car," Naruto reassured. But Sasuke looked like he was having none of that this early morning.

"That _'no one'_ is you, I bet," Sasuke grunted, crossing his arms and pulling a stubborn face. The one where his lips pursed, his eyes narrowed, and eyebrows furrowed. Naruto always found himself wanting to punch that expression off the face of Earth every time it appeared.

"Or we can go in my car," Naruto suggested, deciding to save his anger for later. For when they're in the forest. Where no one would question if they entered as a pair and left as one. Even Itachi wouldn't be able to do anything about his brother's disappearance.  It made the most sense.

"Absolutely not," Sasuke rejected, face morphing into an expression of disgust and fear. "You _always_ speed when you're driving your car and _only_ when you're driving _your_ car. I do not have a death wish."

One, Naruto couldn't deny the accusation. Two, Sasuke's statement was ironic considering he was trying to jump out the window from the sixtieth floor earlier.

" _’Death wish'_ is asking me to drive an automatic when I obviously stated I do not know how," Naruto retorted, raising his voice.

"Then we'll start lessons today," Sasuke said and headed for the door. Naruto heard that before.

"Oh no, not happening," Naruto shouted, stomping his foot on the wooden floor. "I'm probably going to crash into a civilian and you're going to run off saying, 'starting my retirement early' again."

"That was uncalled for," Sasuke pointed out, but at least he stopped going for the door. "My name is all over the license plate, I'm not letting you run anyone over with my car."

"Knowing you," Naruto shot back, "you'll make me replace your car license plate with my own."

Sasuke stopped for a second to think before speaking, "great idea, we'll do just that."

"I propose a deal!" Naruto said suddenly, in a hurry to redirect Sasuke's attention before the idea of switching license plates catches on. "If I win, we'll go in my car, if you win, we'll drive your Porsche."

Sasuke had a bone in his hand and wasted no time jabbing Naruto in the stomach with it.

"Are you trying to take advantage of my unstable mental state?" Sasuke asked. His eyes were cold as he watched Naruto crumbled on the floor.

"No," Naruto groaned, pretending to be in pain, but most of it wasn't acting. The bone was surprisingly sturdy. He wanted to get up and fight further but couldn't manage. Not when Sasuke had a bone in each hand. There was no way for Naruto to beat that.

They ended up going with Sasuke's decision (not like Naruto had a choice, especially when Sasuke had two bones in possession). He also refused to carry any bags and had Naruto do all the hard work. He trailed after Sasuke like a whimsical servant ready to lash out.

Sasuke, on the other hand, was still holding onto one of the bone. The other was shoved into one of the three bags Naruto carried. Naruto swore he’ll vomit if he found that piece of shit in his bag, or worse, their food supply. Sasuke was fidgeting with the bone while they rode the elevator sixty levels down. Swinging it around and such. Naruto found himself flat against the wall every time Sasuke passed by with his bone. Naruto had mentioned it was socially unacceptable to carry such a large size bone in public. Sasuke didn’t say much. Simply gestured and flicked the bone at Naruto and he decided he'll just shut up for the time being.

They stopped by the front desk to request that access to the sixtieth floor be terminated for the time being. With Sasuke's door handle broken, intruders can easily enter _both_ of their apartments. The downfall of having a giant ass hole in the wall.

"Going on a trip, you two?" The clerk asked as she handed Naruto the papers to sign. They needed permission from all the owners living on the same floor. Conveniently, Sasuke and Naruto were the only ones.

But before Naruto could answer the clerk’s, Sasuke rudely cut in.

"Yes, we're going to Alaska for a little ‘us time’," Sasuke stated, quite frankly and loud enough to draw the attention of every head in the lounge. Two guys on a trip to Alaska for ‘a little us time’. Nothing to look here folks. Sasuke then pushed Naruto aside to sign his half of the papers.

Naruto wanted to ask what the hell he was talking about but the glare sent his way was enough to halt all questions.

“...What he said," Naruto murmured, taking up the pen as Sasuke returned to scouting the lounge. He seemed keen on looking for a target so Naruto let him. As long as he wasn’t the one the bone was pointing its edges at.

"Have a great trip then," the clerk smiled, accepting the signed papers with a nice gesture Naruto found himself missing. Living with Sasuke was driving his mind insane and heart cold.

"We'll try," Naruto grumbled. His voice so small it had the clerk cocking her head to the side in confusion.

"I meant thanks. You too," Naruto said quickly, grabbing Sasuke by the arm and signaling for him to come.

  * •



"I'm not driving all the way across the country, just so you know," Naruto said, referring to the 'us time' Sasuke was speaking of earlier.

"Of course, Alaska was a placeholder. The climate there is revolting," Sasuke replied, stuffing their bags in the trunk.

"We live in New York City," Naruto mentioned. The temperature here wasn’t ideal either. It tended to get burning hot with all these concrete roads.

"And the people here are revolting," Sasuke said, closing the trunk as Naruto stand in the back.

"The statistics are coming from a guy who never steps foot outside," Naruto scoffed.

Then Sasuke kindly reminded Naruto he still had a bone in his possession. Once again, it succeeded in shutting Naruto up.

It was after Naruto got into the car and made himself comfortable in the seat that he realized it won’t be too bad. The car was nice. Sleek. New. Clean, not surprising considering who it belonged to. The seats were soft, steering wheel comfortable.

It was fine and dandy until Naruto saw a bone being thrown into the backseat and after it, followed Sasuke.

"I thought you're going to teach me to drive an automatic?" Naruto stuttered. He was watching as Sasuke plopped onto the middle backseat and pulling all three seatbelts on.

"Do you know how ridiculous you sound saying that?" Sasuke asked, glaring at Naruto through the rear mirror.

"Well, why do you think I'm asking it in private?" Naruto retorted, turning to look at Sasuke face to face.

Sasuke looked ready to grab the bone again but decided against it at the last minute.

"If I am in any condition to teach you to drive a fucking _normal_ car," Sasuke said, taking a breather in between. "I might as well drive us to Europe myself."

"Europe is a bit…Can't you choose a closer place," Naruto groaned in frustration. "All we're doing is hike and camp for a few da--"

"Naruto, shut up, you missed the joke," Sasuke said, gesturing for Naruto to return his focus on the steering wheel.

"P stands for park," Sasuke said, pointing to the gear stick. "R for reverse, and D is drive, the rest is irrelevant until we get near the mountain ranges."

It was all said in a quick sentence and Sasuke relaxed back on the seats once he finished. He looked smug and satisfied with his effort. Even had the nerve to gesture for Naruto to go ahead and test it out.

"I'm going to fucking crash this car," Naruto cursed under his breath as he shifted the gear to Drive.

"Not on my watch," Sasuke replied, had apparently heard Naruto with his extraordinary hearing or some sort. "And hurry up, I want us in West Virginia by five."

“Wouldn’t some hiking area in Pennsylvania be closer?” Naruto suggested.

“Pennsylvania is the _devil’s_ den, Naruto,” Sasuke growled. It didn’t take a genius to figured out he was talking about his older brother. “Now off to West Virginia.”

Naruto got upgraded from bell boy to personal chauffeur. Great. Except he wasn't getting paid for either job. He decided he really hated Sasuke, and even more so when the man was in a withdrawal. His arrogant ass was more prominent than ever, figuratively. Itachi owed him big time. Also, an explanation as to why he knew Naruto's last name and shockingly, his profession.

  * •=••=••=••=••=••=••



They hadn’t crash once. Naruto ran a few red lights but Sasuke was willing to let it slide. He was occupied with pretending to sleep while keeping his eye on the bone _and Naruto’s driving_. He was waiting for an indicator. A blinking light. Sasuke always slept facing the Naruto’s fireplace. He need not be awake to see the blaring red coming from the furnace at midnight. Or precisely, the undamaged bones. He didn’t want to get up because he knew Naruto would wake up at the slightest movement. Especially dead at night; the night was Naruto’s domain and Sasuke knew he wasn’t going to get lucky trying to fool him at that time. Naruto was clueless about it of course. The only thing the moron knew how to do was get hurt and swing knives around and eat and whine about life.

Sasuke held a small suspicion it might be his own fault the intruders were coming so often. At first, he assumed Naruto was dragging a small problem home. A simple accident or revenge. Complete by the act of choking the victim to death. It was later that Sasuke checked and found weapons. Then the next day came the second attack. Two assaults with professional guns. Too convenient to be a coincidence. The assaulters themselves were a bit lacking. Blindly following orders from above.

Sasuke couldn’t exactly think of an enemy who would be persistent and desperate enough to come after him like this. Not to mention they got the address wrong. But they serve as a threat nonetheless. He admitted the way he handled it was unprofessional. Should’ve at least got the attackers’ identity first. Perhaps Naruto’s foolish presence had affected his ability to reason. Sasuke was too focused on ridding the danger that he didn’t bother _tracking_ the source. There was no way for him to get information now with both bodies burnt to crisp.

Fortunate for him, the bones remained. He figured they were artificial with some sort of device implanted inside. Either a bomb, a tracker, or a recorder. He hoped it was anything but the first.

 •••••••••••••••••••

End of **Chapter 3** **: Tables Have Turned  
**

•••••••••••••••••••

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “So, when are you going to update the next chapter?” Yes. Farewell!
> 
> July 19, 2017 3:24am


	4. Visualization

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Map of Sasuke's and Naruto's place. If you don't want the image in your head ruined, please do skip this chapter. :)

Just a little picture to show you guys the place.

When I was writing, I kept on getting lost trying to figure out where everything was. So I figured I'll have a picture of the place made.

Little Details:

  * If you zoom in on Naruto's room, there's a picture of Sasuke.
  * Naruto's pumpkin soap is in Sasuke's bathtub. You can see the orange bottle.
  * Don't forget the Sasuke's and Naruto's toothbrushes.
  * There's a tomato near the armchair. Yes. That is the tomato.



Please don't take and repost, thank you.

 


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